Families and growing older...

Where does time go?

2010-12-03T13:34:00.002-05:00

It's been almost 8 months since the last posting. My how things have changed!
My wife has had both knees replaced.
I have a new niece.
My daughters have booked a trip to Japan for 13 days (they leave in 23 days).
My middle child spent a month in Iceland as part of the study abroad program.

There are other things but these seem to be on the top of the list for now.

The girls are headed to Japan. It gets more and more real the closer it gets. Brittany, the youngest (21) is excited and getting a little anxious. She spent a month in Iceland so is ready but still it is a big trip. Laura, the oldest (25) has not traveled much except with the family but is really looking forward to this. The trip was a present from Diann and I. We cashed in a ton of frequent flyer miles and hotel stay points to book the flight and hotel for them. They are going first class there and back so it should be a nice trip.

I think this will be a huge benefit to them. I can only imagine the confidence it will build and the horizons it will expand. The world is a much smaller place than when I was young and people should get out there and see it. I have and I want my kids to do the same.

My son (17) wants to go. I have to have someone here to our hold our hands while my wife and I worry.

where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing...

2010-04-11T19:50:00.004-04:00

Have you ever been someplace and thought "what am I doing here?" or get the feeling you should be some other place or just wonder if this is where you need to be right now?

Have you ever been doing something and think "why am I doing this?" or got the feeling you could or should be doing something else or just wonder if this is what you were meant to do?

I've had that feeling. I listen to that feeling. It is part of my inner/moral compass. It helps me make sure I'm not being wasteful. It helps me rethink things. It helps insure I've got all the information I need. It is not always a comfortable feeling but it is one I listen to. It helps me.

Yesterday I was with my daughter just to tag along while she got her car inspected. She wanted some company so I tagged along. After she got her car inspected the battery died AND her window (electric) would not go up. 7 hours later new battery, new alternator, new window motor (that did not work and has to be done again tomorrow), new serpentine belt and the phone number of a mechanic that thinks she is cute.

It was a long, tedious day and very expensive for her. She needed someone there, to support her, provide a calming view and to help her out. We met some nice people, spent some good time together and even had dinner together afterward. I was there when she needed me.

There was a different voice during this time. Not the one wondering if I should be someplace else or the one wondering if I should be doing something else.

This voice quietly said "This is where you need to be, This is what you should be doing." Paying attention to THAT voice is even more important than the other voice. Don't miss those moments. They are precious.

I was right where I was supposed to be. I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing.

Divided yet whole...

2010-04-04T10:52:00.002-04:00

My wife and son are visiting her parents this weekend. I'm home with our two daughters. They did not want to make the trip. Both had a long week and just wanted to chill out at home. I can understand that so I stayed, too. I had some spring chores to do in the yard and such.

So, this weekend we are a family divided. Divided by distance but not in our hearts. Funny thing about technology, you can allow it to separate you or you can use it to keep you together. My son sends me pictures from his phone when he is away. It let's me know what he is up to and it also allows me to share his trip. That keeps us close. He'll share all he did when he returns, which is always good to hear.

We'll regale him and his Mom with our feats of wonder, too. Sharing keeps us close. It reminds us who we are and why we are. Those memories are the bonds that bind.

I'm no expert but I suspect that while Jesus walked with the disciples and performed miracles he was not just doing it for the people affected nor to legitimize him as the Christ. I suspect it was to provide a bond for the disciples for when he was gone. They'd need that to carry on the great commission.

We are planning to visit friends this summer in OH. They are such wonderful people and we adore them. I've learned that with trips it is not just the trip itself that can be fun and provide memories but the planning and time leading up to it can also be fun and memorable. We talk about the trip and the last visit. We laugh, we cut up and we long for going and being with people we like.

I'm planning a trip to the Air Force museum in Dayton. I'm not sure everyone is as excited as am I but it is all part of the give and take of a trip. Besides a little bit of education never hurt anyone. And, it will be something else we can laugh at and talk about. Another memory to bind.

Today is Easter. I'm not with my whole family but we are still together. We don't have to be next to each other to love each other and share the times we have.

Somethings I just don't get used to...

2010-03-31T19:25:00.002-04:00

I turned on the switch in the dining area a bulb blew. Nothing new about that. I guess over the years it has happened a hundred or more times. Yet, I still jump. You'd think I'm used to it by now, but no.

The reason may well be it does not happen often enough in a short enough span for me to get used to it and to suspect it will happen. I get lulled into a false sense of security that the lights will come on when I hit the switch since the do so often. Then, out of no where...BAM!

We think we'd learn but we take things for granted until they don't do what we expect.

I think life is that way. We can assume things will always be like this (good or bad) until they aren't. We can assume our wives will always be there and then something changes.

We think our kids are perfect until they aren't.

I love my kids and they've not disappointed me. Are they perfect? Nope, but they do have a sense of right and wrong. I've not assumed they'd know this and always do it. I try to be in their lives, asking questions, reading report cards, attending events and being involved in their activities at school or elsewhere. I figure if I find it and nip it in the bud early it is never a problem.

I wish I could do bulbs like that.

Enjoying the success of others...

2010-03-24T20:34:00.003-04:00

If kids have taught me anything (and they've taught me so many things) it is to enjoy and celebrate the success of others. That simple lesson has spilled over into so many areas of my life in so many ways.

I'd like to think I was not jealous of others success before. I just didn't know how to enjoy their success and celebrate it. I was never mad about it, never envious nor resentful. I just didn't know how to enjoy it and celebrate it. I guess I was neutral, happy for them but not sure how to respond because I didn't know what or how to feel. Plus, like many kids and young adults I was focused on my world too much.

Kids changed that. They go through so many trials and each is a major success. From the first da-da (I'm pretty sure they said that first...) to the first step, potty training (that was easy to celebrate!) to the first date, college and job. I didn't learn to celebrate these because they were milestones or because they were just my kids. I'd learned that they make them a better person, they are a reward for effort and I was really, truly and genuinely happy and excited for them. The joy on their face, the happiness I knew they had. I felt it. I enjoyed it and I celebrated it.

I'm sure God gave me kids to learn many things and I've tried to hear what he was wanting me to know and learn.

A follower of this blog, Becky, makes the most wonderful ceramics, especially birds! She, like other potters I know, makes amazing art and pots with clay. I truly enjoy her work. Her talent makes us all better. I have friends that work hard in their church, helping others and making the world I better place for all of us. I enjoy their success and celebrate the talents they have. I have a friend who is the CFO of a major company. I'm so happy for him and all that he has accomplished. He's a great guy and went out of his way to help and befriend a lowly freshman at Carolina. He's made an impact on people his whole life.

I'm fortunate to know and have known some amazing people. They make me better by knowing them and for that, I'm glad to celebrate!

Blowing my top...

2010-03-22T11:19:00.003-04:00

Brittany, the middle child, the college girl is heading to Iceland this summer...well in about 2 months! Yesterday a volcano erupted in Iceland about 40 miles from where they will be staying. This volcano has not erupted since the 1800's and it has to pick NOW to erupt! AND the experts are predicting this is precursor to the eruption of one of the active ones that just so happens to be about 40 miles from where they'll be staying!

She says the advisers are on top of it (the situation, not the volcano) and that the monks in the monastery (next to the hostel/school where they will live) take lawn chairs out and watch the volcano when it erupts. This is supposed to make me more comfortable??

So, to reassure my self I do a little more research and find that Iceland straddles the American and European tectonic plates and is actually splitting itself apart by 10 cm per year!

I'm trying to keep calm but when you are a Dad and your baby girl is involved and it is about volcanoes....well let's just say its hard to not build up a head of steam of worry. If I'm not sleeping well now what will in be like when she is actually there?

Real or paper?

2010-03-21T19:33:00.002-04:00

I don't like paper plates. I can eat a sandwich from them and can handle them for picnics. But otherwise, I like real plates. My kids would prefer paper plates every meal, but then they have to do the dishes.

I think there is something civilized about real plates, solid flatware and real glasses at a real table. I think it provides a sense of permanence that is important to a family. I think it also helps us slow down, enjoy the meal and talk both during and after.

I do admit that when I'm standing over the sink or dishwasher paper plates are a tad tempting!

New definition for "Friend"?

2010-03-19T21:34:00.004-04:00

Do we need a new definition for "friend"?

With the advent of the Internet, cell phones, texting and mobile access to everyone and anyone do we need to redefine the meaning of "friend"? I've thought about this just little over the last couple of years. It was brought up again in my mind today based on a Facebook posting and a subsequent question from someone I've known for a while.

We seem to want to redefine things a lot lately. Marriage, family, parents, conception, healthcare, right, wrong, work hours, ethics to name a few. I'm not sure everything needs to be redefined. Sometimes we need new words with new meanings to describe the new things we see. I read that there are 540,000 words in the English language. That is 5 times more than when Shakespeare was alive. This is both amazing and what we'd expect. I doubt Will had much use for the word computer or terabyte. Then again, some days I'm not sure I do!

I don't think we need a new definition...we have and will continue to have personal definition of "Friend" like we always have. I suspect we resist, at least internally, the imposition of definitions we don't hold true to ourselves. That is if you have that internal compass that tells you right from wrong, when to stand true and not "go along with the crowd".

If you don't then you won't stand for something and you'll then fall for anything, my friend!

Counter Intuitive...

2010-03-18T17:50:00.003-04:00

I'm often fascinated with things that are or seem to be counter intuitive. I soak/marinate poultry in very salty water for about an hour a pound. When I first heard of this I could not imagine it being anything but really salty meat. It is not at all. It just makes what is normally dry meat very moist after cooking.

Medicine can be the same as can food. Things that taste bad have to be bad for us right? And things that taste good are good for us. Often this is true but sometimes it is the opposite.

Life can be like this, too. Exercise, change, new jobs, and yes, even sex. I know many people that fight change and I'm often amazed. They know it is going to happen but they still fight it. We all do that, too, with things in our lives. Sometimes in a big way and sometimes in a small way.

I need to get more exercise. I hate to "work out" and I'm struggling to find a way to exercise that gets my heart rate up and is something I like doing. With the weather getting better I'm hoping to do hiking, geocaching and some metal detecting. Now, if I do all three at once do I get credit for 3 or just one? It seems intuitive that I'd get credit for 3, right?

Yeah, I thought so and that brings me back to where I started.

Simple vs. Complex...

2010-03-17T11:46:00.002-04:00

I like things that I use everyday to be simple. I don't want to have to think too much when doing things . They need to be easy to operate, do, interface with and understand. They need to have no more than 2 steps to complete. More than that and you are into the complicated range.

I visit a lot website for work or personal. I'm amazed at how little attention is given to things that can make the experience so much better for the customer/user of the sites. A prime example is entering a phone number. If they have 3 boxes they never auto tab for you. Nope, you have to tab. A very simple programming item but a huge interface item. Or, if there is just one box, no auto hyphens. I've started a revolt by just entering all 10 digits together with out hyphens. I figure if they wanted them they should put them in. I know, it is not a big revolt, but I'm voting with the ballot I have.

Another item that bugs me is asking for city and state when you've already asked for my zip! Duh! Most systems auto check it anyway so go ahead and fill it in. Again, a SMALL programming item with bit interface potential.

American Express Travel services site offers you hotels based on the airport you fly into. They don't allow you to change the city for the hotel! Oh, you can pick another hotel but not as part of the "discount package". What a pain. I have to imagine that many travelers like me fly into one city and drive to another. If they offered this option I'm sure I'd take advantage of it.

Airline sites are another bug of mine. US Airways will select a "best match" based on the criteria you enter for flights. I've yet to see that "best match" be close to what I entered! The price is always higher than others and the time is virtually NEVER close to what I entered. I'm sure they are offering what is best for them, but I don't care about that.

All of these things take time and that is time away from my family. It is also just stupid and careless work. I encourage my kids to do a job and do it the best you can, regardless of what it is. They are the ones that will be using and building these sites one day. I hope they do a better job.

Two and a half months to go...

2010-03-15T09:45:00.002-04:00

My youngest daughter is going to Iceland this summer. She leaves in 2 and a half months. Her passport came Saturday and I'm already missing her! Her books for the trip (she's taking 2 classes) have come in and that just adds to it.

I'm glad she's going and we've encouraged her to go but that doesn't mean I miss her any less.

She's blogging about the trip. Keep up with her at http://chanceofalifetimeiceland.blogspot.com/ .

She is just home from a Model Arab League conference in SC. She's always on the move with something or other. She has promised us she's going to sleep the whole week. We'll see. If she tries I'll wake her up so I can talk to her. I've got to store up some face time with her since she's going to be gone for a whole month!

Travel...

2010-03-14T15:23:00.002-04:00

I was out of town last week for several days. No big deal. I've traveled hundreds of times over the years. Yes, things have changed in the last 30 years but somethings haven't. Security is one of the biggest changes. I remember when there was no security, then a little bit, then more and then a lot. I remember when families were at the gate to greet people. Given the congestion I'm glad they are now in baggage claim if they show up at all.

Flight attendant are about the same, except there are more men and the women are regular people. Some older, some younger, some slim and some not slim. I remember when they were all slim and young. I like regular people being there.

Pilots...more women. I like that OK. Glad they're finally getting their due. But pilots in general seem younger. That does not inspire confidence. Captain Sully inspires confidence. Pilots need experience...but with other passengers. Not me.

Planes are both different and the same. Seats are still too close and too small (OK, they seemed bigger years ago but I think that was me more than the seat). Knowing the tricks of travel are more important than ever. Frequent flyer programs are never good. If you get enough miles to get something free it just means you've flown too much and been away from home too much.

Commuter planes are better and worse. You see a lot of small jets now but they are making longer trips. Good and bad.

People still fall into 2 categories. Those that travel for business and are "road warriors" and those that aren't. We that travel get a little annoyed with the delays of those that don't travel much. We shouldn't but we do. I try to help them when possible. I find that people are people even when they travel. Their personal bubble gets very small, but it is still there and still your private space. Most regular travelers don't want to talk unless they know you real well and are a buddy. Otherwise, quiet is the word.

Earphones are the norm. Most people wear them even if they don't care about the music. It prevents others from talking to them. Respect the space is the key.

I can travel for a whole week with a carry-on bag and a briefcase. Amazing what we learn to do.

Luggage is much better now than before, too. Get a good, solid and dependable bag if you travel a lot. You don't want problems and you always want dependability. My favorite brand is Ogio. Incredibly well built, not overly expensive and will last forever.

I came home this week and my 16 year old son came running out when I got home. He gave me a huge hug and told me he missed me. That is better than anything! That is what makes travel bearable. Coming home. Be sure you have that to come back to.

Taxes

2010-03-08T10:19:00.002-05:00

I'm working on our taxes. Never, ever is it a sit down and just do them and get them done kind of chore. Nope, I start out with the basics from Diann and then as I enter them I learn of other things I need...more items for deduction and research on what something means, etc. Every year is either very different for the tax laws or for us.

I don't mind paying taxes. It is the tax returns I hate. I'm not a fan of the flat tax idea. I think the variable tax we pay encourages people to buy a house, invest, save and other things. A flat tax takes some of that away just to "make it easy" on us. Also, the fallacy that the rich don't pay taxes also bugs me. Sure they do. Do they get deductions the rest of us may not, sure, but those encourage them to invest in businesses that employee the people that complain about their tax breaks. I guess a little knowledge is dangerous.

I think I get a great deal for my taxes. I live in the greatest country in the world. I can travel without restrictions and don't need to show "papers" to do so. My taxes are not too high for what I get. No, I don't like $400 toilet seats the government buys. I think we need to root out those instances and those people/policies and get rid of them. But, that is part of my responsibility as a citizen. I'm to call my government on such waste and either they change or I get someone in there that will! We vote with our ballots and our dollars. It works.

Now, if I could just get through these returns!

Blogging...the next generation

2010-03-04T07:30:00.003-05:00

Well, my baby is going to Iceland this summer. She got her acceptance letter today. I naturally assumed she'd go all along so acceptance was a foregone conclusion for me. But, this makes it official, which makes it all the more real.

If it was me I'd get focused on the trip and totally forget about the classes in front of me. She'll keep focused. It is her nature.

Follow her adventure at: http://chanceofalifetimeiceland.blogspot.com/ . She's blogging about the trip starting with her acceptance and prep and then the trip. I'm proud of her and I'm excited another generation is blogging, too.

Just two teaspoons...

2010-03-02T20:47:00.004-05:00

I made cinnamon rolls today. I love to cook but I don't bake too much. Just not usually my thing. I've been trying to do more of it lately to get better at it. Today I made cinnamon rolls using a simple recipe that was pretty straight forward.

I've found that when following a recipe I get in a hurry. I don't know why, it is not like its going anywhere. And when I get in a hurry I'll miss a step or ingredient. I can usually fix it so it is not usually a big deal. You'd think I'd learn but apparently not.

Today everything seemed to go really well. I mixed the filling (using Splenda, good for me) and it was awesome. I mixed the dough, rolled it out and it looked great. Spread the filling, rolled it up, cut it and baked it. They looked good when they came out. I put the icing on and thought I was all ready.

One bite and I knew something was just a little off. While done, they just tasted a little "floury" or something. They were good and the filling was awesome but the bun part was a little off. I thought through everything and couldn't figure it out. When I went back to the recipe I realized I'd left out 2 teaspoons of sugar from the flour mixture.

Now, 2 teaspoons of sugar in a cinnamon bun recipe doesn't sound like much and it isn't. Except it is needed in the bun mix to take off the flour edge. It is all the difference.

Life is like this, too. There are things we don't like to do but need to force ourselves to do so we can get good at them, learn from them and, if we do them right, have something wonderful to show for it when we finish. Even if we don't succeed 100% we almost always come away with a better education than when we started.

To me, the biggest thing I learned is that it is not the size or the amount of the ingredient in a recipe. It is the impact it has on the finished product. Life is like that, too. It does not have to be big but if not given at the right time it can have big results. Likewise, if given at the right time, in the right amount the result can be stellar.

To me, telling my kids that I love them is much like the two tablespoons of sugar. It is a little thing but it is so important to what I want them to know about me, about themselves and about how to let others know how important they are to you.

What is a friend...

2010-03-01T13:00:00.004-05:00

I was reminded recently of what being a friend is all about. The definition I learned in high school came flooding back.

Friend: It is not the out stretched hand nor the kindly smile. It is the spirited inspiration that comes when one believes in you and trusts in you.

I think that is still the best definition I've found. I've been lucky enough to have friends like that through my life. I've found that time is not part of the definition. Friends can be from way back, that you've not seen in ages and they can be new. They don't always have to see you at your worst nor at your best. Sometimes they just know the "you" that is "you" in spite of those things and even in spite of not seeing those times.

I think my friends forgive me for being me all the time. I have a friend from college that once told me that the best part of being your friend is I got your whole family along with it. She's someone I met when she was a freshman and we've just hung out ever since. My kids love her and I think she's closer to Diann than me! At least as long as we give her Hershey kisses! There is always foil wrappers around when she leaves.

Some friends are newer. We've met at band performances with our kids in high school, or through just being neighbors. They are parents like us and getting older, too.

I reconnected with another friend recently from way back. It is good to connect and catch up. We've all traveled our paths and each journey has been varied. Older friends are different. They knew you before you did anything. You were full of optimism, passion and invincible. To still like you is a testament to them more than you.

I'm looking at another friend right now. Talk about seeing you at your best and worst! She's seen it all and then some. Yet, she still thinks I'm great. I'm glad we found each other. She still fills me with that spirited inspiration, at least she does when she puts her hands on her hips and says my whole name in that specific tone. Suddenly the kids run and I'm alone. At that point I'm just looking for a kindly smile or an out stretched hand!

Being a man...

2010-02-27T23:40:00.002-05:00

In the "old days" there were rites of passage for boys to become men. Today, some are still practiced even though they are now ceremonial. In a world that is complex, technologically advanced and full of so much opportunity for harm, what are the rites of passage into adulthood for a boy to become a man?

Before I go further, I think girls face the same thing. They have their rites of passage, too. I think these have changed over the years, too. Even though I have two daughters I'm no expert on what girls/women think so I'll defer a discussion on that to someone better qualified.

My son is putting tick marks beside the items on the list of things that let you know a boy is a man. He does them regularly and I'm amazed at how well he handles it and how natural they seem to come to him. Learning to drive, asking a girl out, dating, getting your license, car dating and today he took another step. He's been collecting aluminum cans and other metals for several years. He's made hundreds of dollars recycling metal from things just laying around either here or from his grandfather's. The recycling is not the big thing so much as what he did today. I've always gone with him to take the recycling. Today he went with his sister and handled it himself. He did not need Dad tagging along, looking over his shoulder.

He and I went to buy new shoes for him Thursday evening. It was fun and we cut up while running the errand. He is easy to shop with. He finds what he wants, makes a decision and we are done. Well, the shoes had a defect and came a part the first day. Tonight, his sister ran him over there and he returned them himself.

The great thing about this really comes in two parts. He and his sister are close and do things together. I'm glad she's there to help keep an eye on him. It is what family does. The other thing is that he has taken responsibility and wants to do this himself. He's stepping out to do those things that others have done with him or for him in the past.

I'm a little sad while being so proud. He's the youngest of my three and it seems not long ago that he held on to my finger as we went places together. Now, he's off on his own. I already miss him more than I can tell. Yet, he still seeks me out to tell me good night and give me a hug. I'm sure he does that more for me than for him. His whole life I've referred to him as my man-child. He's always been large for his age and with two daughter's it helped distinguish him from them. I'm not so sure I can use that term much longer. He's a man now. He's my son in whom I am well pleased.

Hanging on to the past...

2010-02-26T20:07:00.002-05:00

Why do we hang on to the past? What is it that makes it so hard to let go?

I'm not talking about grudges or revenge, that is bad enough and we know that eats us up inside. No, I'm talking about things we decided to let go from our lives but we hang onto mementos of. We all have them. Ask any woman and she'll open her jewelry box and pull out rings, pins, bracelets or other baubles of boys/men gone by. They'll open shoe boxes with letters, programs or notebooks with the names of boys they liked. Melt the gold/silver down? They'd tell you it is practical and they should do it and they probably wouldn't yell if you insisted but they'll just put it back in the box, with a smile. I don't think many of them ever pine over the items or probably think of them that much. But if a child or husband takes them out they get a little far off look for a moment then laugh.

My wife has some of those. At first my practical self just could not grasp it and she offered to get rid of them if they bothered me. Part of me wanted to let her do it but I didn't. I don't know why I didn't but it just seemed right to do. She put them back and there they've stayed.

As I've gotten older I have come to realize that they are part of who she is. Getting rid of them would not change who she is but they help her hold on to her past that helped her make who she was and, I hope, bring her to be with me. It is like the high school yearbooks we all keep. Those pictures of us in our "weird" clothes of the times (leisure suits...yes I did) and our different hair styles. We are not wild about seeing them now but we can't quite throw them away. We claim it is for our kids to see and to know we were young once but that is not it. I think we keep them to remind ourselves we were young, idealistic and going to change the world.

No, we didn't create world peace and we've not fed all the hungry but we've changed the world. Some for good, others for bad and for some, they never got the chance.

I'm not sure men keep as many things. We are maybe too care free and not as sentimental. I don't have many things from that era. Except a trunk full and some boxes and a couple of storage bins...but they don't count. They are not mementos to help me remember my youth. Nope, they are for my kids. Yep, that is it. So they don't count.

Besides, I have the thing I wanted most from back then. She puts up with me and reminds me of many great times. I'm glad she keeps things from the old days because now, I'm one of those things and I like being kept by her. Now, if I could just get this jewelry box open and get out!

Perspectives and Priorities...

2010-02-26T11:15:00.002-05:00

We all view things from different vantage points and with different contexts based on what we've previously experienced and seen and heard. Having different points of view is what makes us unique. Priorities are much the same way. The priorities we set are based on who we are, what we've seen, done and want. We each have out own and they make us unique, too.

I was talking to a friend from high school this week (talking = email) and I was reminded of when I was in Grad School. I'd reached the point in life I wanted to do something and I thought an MBA sounded fun. I love to study business so it seemed like a good idea. Before I started I sat down and thought about what I was under-taking, what else I had on my plate and how it would fit in. I made a firm decision that it would not come before Family or work. Family would be number 1 and work would be 2 and then school. I had a new 2 year old and we'd have another before I finished so I had to decide now before I got in the middle and then decided.

Making decision before you need to always helps. You think clearer, you are more rational and rationalize much less.

I look at grades as two things: A measure of how you do and a reward for effort. In this program you graduated with honors ONLY if you got all A's. You could make no more than 2 C's to graduate. So, the way I looked at it was I needed two A's to cover 2 C's I might make. Anything over 2 A's was a waste unless I got all A's. Remember, A's represent a lot of effort. B's less so.

Well, I'd been in the program a while and was down to my last 2 classes and I had all A's. Pressure was on to graduate with honors. I had a final exam that night so I'd decided to take a half day off to study. My daughter, hearing that I'd be taking off early, asked if I'd come have lunch with her at school. She was so excited. My wife, trying to cover for me started to explain that I had a test and was very busy. The look in her little face brought back my priorities in full force. I knew that in 10 years no one would care about the grade but she always remember the lunch.

So, I stopped on the way home, picked up her lunch at McDonald's and had lunch with her and her friends. I taught them to play table football with a folded sheet of paper and we had 70 kids around the lunch table cheering and yelling and having a ball! What fun! Now, I know that I was disruptive and I could see that the teachers were not sure what to do with a parent creating such fun but every kids there still remembers it. And, let's face it, table football is a critical skill to have.

I got my A in the class. I'm sure I did well because I was happy with my decision and that made me more relaxed.

My daughter tells that story all the time. I always think that I was close to forgetting my priorities. She has a different perspective, she thinks I have the right priorities.

In my sights!

2010-02-24T09:40:00.002-05:00

OK, this is going to be an angry post. Sorry, but I need to get it out.

I'm gunning for ground hogs! If I see one, it is mine...bagged and tagged! I'll have it mounted and on the wall in record time. I'm going to get my legal limit and get my friends to ante up, get license and let me hunt for them. We've got to get rid of EVERY ground hog in the country. E-V-E-R-Y S-I-N-G-L-E O-N-E OF THEM! They are an official scourge on the country and are clearly part of an evil plot to destroy this country.

What? You've not hear about this? Where were you in the second grade when they taught us this? Huh? Where were you?

6 more weeks of winter? You have got to be kidding me! I've had it. Here I sit, watching it rain, it is cold and they are calling for snow this afternoon and night! No more snow this year. Stop it. SPRING! I need SPRING.

Oh no, not that 2 days thing we had this past weekend, no! I need real spring. Budding trees, green grass, birds chirping, flowers blooming, hay fever and frolicking in the fields! I've got kites in the closet begging to be flown!

Yep, I'm bagging me a "whole mess" of those ground hogs. At least I will as soon as I can get out of the house when the snow clears and the fear of frost bite is gone. Till then, I've got the gun oil out and the long johns on!

Prom...

2010-02-23T22:36:00.002-05:00

I remember the prom. Anticipation, anxiety, awkwardness and just plain scary! That time is coming up for my son. He is thinking about going with his friend who is a girl...not exactly a couple but they date, like each other and are in no hurry to smother each other. They spend a lot of time apart, don't see each other most weekends but do celebrate holidays together and go to movies and the fair. It works for them. They are both busy.

My son seems low key about the whole prom thing. I know those still waters run deep. I just nudge him on it. I know getting a limo (we never had that when I was a kid) and a tux is NOT a last minute thing so I told him to plan for it if he was going. He's working it out in his way, which works for him and her.

Me? I'm more of a planner. Don't like things left to chance. I've traveled with people that just figure it out as they go along. It works for them most of the time so I guess that is OK. Just sometimes it doesn't and they get stranded or having to accept arrangements less than ideal and I've seen how this affects the others in the group. Not particularly good. Thinking of the group is something I'm not sure we do that well. I think it is a learned trait and some just don't learn it.

Being on time is a thing with me. I like to be early or at least on time. Making people wait sends a message that your time is more important than theirs and I don't like those messages and games. An appointment is a contract. You honor it.

I had a doctor once in Richmond who's office explained that if I was late for an appointment they'd charge me a late fee. I asked why and they said the Dr.'s time was valuable. I said OK. The doctor made me wait for an hour. I did not particularly like him as a physician (my first visit) and when I checked out I deducted $25 from the bill when I paid. The lady handling payments informed me I owed more money and I explained that I waited an hour and that was my charge. My time is valuable, too. I think most doctor/patient appointments are a semi-solid agreement. If he's a little late or I'm a little late we deal with it. I am not there to wait on him because he can't schedule effectively and is maximizing his income. Yeah, I know this is harsh. My current doctor makes me wait once in a while but that is OK. When we are together he gives me all the time we need to discuss what we need and for me to ask questions. He always digs to make sure I'm doing OK and nothing has changed. I like that. I figure he does that with others and things come up. So I cut him some slack. Give and take. Oh, and he is a great physician and actually has some personality.

I'm getting more regular with my "annual" check ups. I put annual in quotes because I've not gotten them down to yearly yet but 18-24 months and that is WAY better than ever. I don't look forward to them and I don't know how women can be so good about keeping annual appointments. No way I ever would be but as I get older I figure it is more important.

I know one thing, if I was going to the prom I'd need a physical, stress test and a cardiac work up. The stress would get me and the dancing would be exhausting. But the thing that would get me the most would be shelling out the money for the tux and limo now. Way more than when I was in school

I guess it is not a good idea for me to go to the prom. I'm not sure how I'd explain it to my wife or my son.

Life...

2010-02-22T20:07:00.002-05:00

I don't have all the answers to or about life. In fact, I'm not sure I even have a majority of the questions. I'm amazed that there are people who are intent on "finding the meaning of it all". I'm satisfied to find the meaning of just parts...and I think I have.

Don't get me wrong, I'm inquisitive by nature, don't like unsolved mysteries and love to learn. But I've never understood why you'd focus on what you don't have when you've got some much you do have to figure out! Seriously, I'm neither a half-full nor half-empty person. Sometimes it is one, sometimes it is the other...I'm more of a I've got a glass person. (I don't know exactly what that means but I'm working on it!)

What I've figured out is that life, or at least part of it, is my family. Watching them, just listening to them, talking with them and being with them is amazing! They constantly fill me with joy and I'm glad and thankful every day that I have them.

I had breakfast with my sister this morning. She was looking good, much better than I saw her last. She looked tired when I saw her last. I like being with her. She is fun, likes to talk and has a sense of humor to which I can relate...we shared a lot growing up and that makes it easy to talk.

I don't know where you stand with God or religion but if you don't think there is one, I'd like to hear your thoughts on why that is. As for me and my family, we know there is. I hear him in the quiet of the morning, I see him in the dark of the night as I look up in the sky. I see him in my children and wife every day. I don't know if I always see God when I'm in a church. I suspect there is another entity there sometimes looking to cause a little mischief. Oh, yeah, I think there is evil in the world. I've seen that, too. I've seen it in the hatred in the face of people, I've heard it in the words spoken to others.

I'm not perfect. I'm the least of God's children but he still loves me and Jesus still lifts me up to his father and claims me.

I'm not sure God gives us the meaning of life. I think he wants us to figure that one out on our own. I don't know about you but figuring things out makes them mean more to me and makes them more real. It also provides me tools for when I need them later. Kind of like feed a man a fish or teaching him to fish.

I'm not sure I'll even know the meaning of life, but I'm getting closer to the meaning of my life. And that is pretty good, especially when I see my kids.

Good from bad...

2010-02-19T10:04:00.002-05:00

Mistakes or troubles often, if you are open to it, can be doors to opportunity, wisdom and insight. If we are not open to them, if we close ourselves off, if we focus on ourselves they can make us frustrated, angry and closed off to those insights and to the world.

Yesterday was pretty much like any other day but everything I typed just seemed to come out wrong. I'm a pretty open person and I like to be funny and have fun with things. I posted on a friends facebook what sounded funny in my head. When I saw the posting it looked as if I did not take her posting seriously and it looked petty at best. I posted an apology and she was fine and even deleted it for me (she was fine to leave it up but took pity on me). She is an old friend from high school and I think she remembered my gregarious ways and just took it as intended. Friends do that.

I made another posting about a cake I was making. The term did not include the word cake. For some reason the recipe for the cake and the person in Scotland that told me about the cake did not use the word cake in the description so I thought I was doing the right thing. Well some of my facebook buddies had some fun with me. They are dear people and poking fun is also what we do to friends. It keeps us human, reminds us we are not infallible and it also tells us that people love us even with our mistakes and weaknesses.

While I was pondering it the story of Elisha came to mind. Elisha was a prophet (Old Testament) and an army was sent to get him. His servant was scared and knew they were going to be killed. Elisha calmly looked around and saw the angels of God and explained that more were with them than against them. I realized yesterday that in life, more are with me than against me! I'm blessed with many friends, family and co-workers that pick me up when I'm down, support me through tough times, let me help them when they need it and love me even with my failures.

As I've told my kids from day one: "There is nothing you can do to stop being my son/daughter and there is nothing you can do to stop the love I have for you." They rely on that, it makes them stronger and gives them to confidence to learn life's lessons. I had "one of those days" yesterday. No, it was not a big deal, it was not particularly frustrating but out of it I was reminded that people do care, friends are there.

I'm glad I was not so focused on me and my mistakes that I missed a great reminder of life. So, if you are having a bad day, send me a note, tell me what you've done and I'll make fun of you. Just know when I do, I care. I promise, I really do, no matter how it sounds.

WalMart...love 'em or hate 'em?

2010-02-18T19:27:00.002-05:00

A family member posted a note on FB about a scene in a local (to them) Walmart. It seems someone or group was stealing, got caught, fought the cops and got tased when they went for the cop's gun. The posting caused several people to post notes about hating Walmart and even paying more to not shop there.

I don't get it. I love Walmart. I like the store, I like the selection, I like the convenience, I like the stocked shelves and I like the prices. I like what them as a company because I think they have a positive impact on our lives in many, many ways.

Now, I don't shop. I buy. What I mean is that I don't go to "look around and see what is there" but I go to buy specific things and I leave. It can be many things or just one thing but I have a list, I know what they have and I get out. I don't buy clothes there (but I'm fine if others do) but I have bought some electronics, I do buy food there on a semi-regular basis and I do pick up fishing tackle when needed and when I change my own oil I get it there. Can't get that selection at Target or any other store. I like the ease for shopping that it gives me.

Generally, I'm pleased with the people that work there and find them nice, helpful and pleasant.

Walmart has had a huge impact on the price of drugs. Their innovative $4 for a month supply of generic drugs was HUGE. There are other things but suffice it to say they change how companies do business.

What amazes me is that I've seen way, way more stealing and fighting at malls than I've ever seen at or near a Walmart. I just don't go to malls. I don't like the crowds, the slow moving people that are "shopping".

Amazing how something as simple as a store can polarize people.

Keep your eyes open!

2010-02-17T17:25:00.002-05:00

I like pottery. I don't own much but I do like it. I follow some potters blogs and am always inspired. Hannah McAndrew (http://hannahmcandrew.blogspot.com/) in Scotland is one I follow. Amazing what she can do. I read her blog and while the shipping and exchange rates are hampering my purchases it is the still a joy to read her blog and see her work.

Life is about enjoying things you may not be able to own. I don't covet them or desire them beyond all else but I like them. The simple beauty and complex design and hard work that go into them is impressive and inspiring. I'll own some one day. The anticipation is sweet.

But, there is more to this story than unrequited desire for pots. Hannah will occasionally mention what she has cooked and show pictures. Today she mentioned a Victoria sponge she fixed for her husband (and herself). I found a recipe and am going to fix one. I'll enjoy it with "afternoon tea" tomorrow. It is a simple and easy recipe but sounds awesome.

If we focus on the "things" we want in life, whether we can have them or not, and get so focused we miss other things then we miss out on what life is about. I love her pottery but I like her blog and the life she describes, too. I'd hate to have missed the cake. I think I'm going to share it with my wife. We'll go "English" or "Scottish" for a while in the afternoon, think about a trip to Scotland and plan how many extra bags to take with us so we can bring back some awesome pots!

Birds leaving the nests...

2010-02-16T23:24:00.003-05:00

Well, it looks like my baby girl is really leaving the nest this time. She headed to Iceland for a month this summer to study abroad. I'm so nervous but so happy for her. She sent off her passport application today. It is getting real very fast.

I don't know why this is so different and maybe it isn't. I'm always nervous when they are away from home but isn't that why we nurture them, teach them right from wrong, how to make decisions and stand up for themselves? I'm proud of my kids and how well they've done and the decisions they've made so far. I'm glad she has the confidence to not just go but to go for all the right reasons. She is an international studies major and this is just part of that plan. She plans to study in Japan for the fall semester if she can work it all out. That is a LONG way from home. I'm already working on my Asian contacts to see who is close by and who I know there. I've got contacts in Singapore that are solid. Now I need to get good contacts in Tokyo!

But, it isn't just my daughter. My son is leaving the nest, too. And although he is 4 years younger in many ways he is leaving faster. He recently got his license and went on his first car date this weekend. I was a nervous wreck. It was no big deal to him. Oh I so remember those days! He'll be much more independent and much sooner. Just the nature of things I guess.

Good thing I have Maddie here now. She'll keep me company...her and her cold nose and wagging tail.

Plain or Peanut M&M's?

2010-01-01T23:34:00.002-05:00

I like M&M's. I have for as long as I can remember. They are a great candy. Compact, easy to eat and pretty much all you need. I've always liked both versions (for the moment, pretend there are only two versions, the almond, etc. versions are johnny-come-lately) but have been partial to the peanut ones. They were my favorites. My wife has bought them for me for years. Today, I realized that while I still like them I now prefer the plain ones over the peanut.

I don't think the M&M's have changed. I think I have. At first I was a little taken back and was not sure if I should mention it. But I realized that to not mention it was to deny myself a choice and to keep getting peanut ones as gifts. No fun there!

We, as humans, sometimes feel we can not change. Change is bad, right? Nope, not right. Change is just change. It is neither good nor bad. How we view it makes it good or bad and whether we admit it makes it good or bad.

I've never cared for pretzels. Just not my thing. Lately I've been eating them. Salty snack, easy to much on. What I like is that they are not as unhealthy as some snacks but my favorite thing is that Maddie, my beagle, likes them, too. So, when I am watching TV and she is sharing my spot with me I grab some pretzels and we snack together. There is something satisfying about sharing a snack with you dog.

If I'd been afraid to admit that pretzels were not so bad I'd have deprived myself of the experience of sharing time and a snack with my pup. Boy, would that have been a loss for me!

I'm still hot a huge fan of pretzels, but Maddie likes them so we'll keep them around. I'm thinking plain M&M's will go great with them!

First Lady and shorts...

2009-08-20T11:06:00.002-04:00

The news has been abuzz over the first lady wearing shorts. Who cares? I mean, she is on vacation with her daughters, it is 106 degrees where she is and she is wearing shorts. OK. I'd consider it new if she DID NOT wear shorts instead of wearing them!

The founding fathers did not set up a monarchy or a potentate. We have a president. Our government is OF the people, BY the people and FOR the people. I wear shorts all the time. I like a first lady that wears shorts. My real question is why didn't the president have on some shorts!? (Rumor has it he only had a short time and had to go back to work.)

Geez, we complain when they set themselves a part from us and we complain when they don't. Here is a president and first lady that are working hard, doing a good job (not that I agree with all they do but I appreciate work they are doing) and are staying in touch with their family, kids and the American people!

Get a life! This is to all you that think there is a problem with her wearing shorts! At least she has the legs for it! You should be much more concerned about me wearing shorts because I DON'T have the legs for it. Talk about a blight on the image of America, my legs fall into that category!

Today...

2009-08-19T21:45:00.003-04:00

Brittany started school today. I've always sent my kids flowers on their first day of school. Being out of work put a crimp in that but my wife suggested I get her a bouquet and take them to her. As it turned out she dropped by the house to pick up some things so we took a ride. We dropped by the Fresh Market and while I was not thrilled about the selection she went straight to a bouquet of purple carnations. She loves carnations and these lit her face up.

She came home, put them in a vase and now has them at school. She has written me two notes about them and how they make a huge difference in her apartment at school.

She's reminded me today that the price or cost of something is not the thing. It is that I remembered them and kept that tradition alive that is a reminder of how much I love her and how proud I am of her.

Picked my son up after band practice and we rolled into home about 8:40. Neither of us had had dinner so we whipped up some burritos quickly. Some hamburger, taco seasoning, refried beans, shredded lettuce from the cuisinart (love that machine!), sour cream and some salsa (all of this was in the house...no trip to the store) and we were set. We supped large!

Today was a good day. Tomorrow I'll find out how the interview went today. I'm hopeful but we'll see. God has a plan and a reason. I'm along for the ride! I'm just thankful for all I do have.

Thoughts and rambles...

2009-08-10T11:24:00.004-04:00

No more blog posts at 2:00 a.m. That is a "note to self". Got rambling which is normal when your mind is bleary from LOS (lack of sleep).

I think it is time for a family dinner. We do them at Thanksgiving and Christmas but I am thinking it has been too long since the last one and too long before the next one. I need to pull something together. Nothing fancy, just a big spaghetti dinner. Sauce from scratch with a bag or two of the frozen meatballs (yes, I use them. They are very good and so fast to fix!) Get the family to bring salad and bread and desert and we can all sup large together.

I wonder how many will come given that it is not a holiday? Do holidays matter? Do we feel obligated to go to family functions on those days or do we like doing that? Would we rather be with "our" friends except they are with "their" families? Interesting thought. Me? I like the family time. But, then again, we open it up to an extended family that includes many that are not even related but we like them so much they seem related. I like that. We'll include them, too. Hmmm....this is starting to sound fun!

My wife is now hooked on FB so bad it is not funny! She is not just doing FB but is also doing Farmville (see previous post that went on forever), Sorority Life, Yoville and who knows what else. Seriously, it keeps her off the streets but I am thinking serious intervention here! Darn aliens!

Our neighbor brought us a watermelon. What a wonderfully nice thing to have happen. She is my "favorite" neighbor. I put that in quotes because it is how she describes herself when she calls. "Hello Al, this is your favorite neighbor." She is very nice and her kids are around here a lot playing xbox with my son. Except for the NC State clothes they are good kids. Not as good as mine but then no one's are.

Brittany had 16 glasses, a bowl, a fork, two spoons and a pair of chopsticks in her room. She is like that. It just builds and then it hits her and she brings it all down. We were drinking out of jars but who notices? We just thought we were getting short on glasses because they had gotten broken. With all of us doing dishes no one keeps up. She is so funny. She openly admitted it and we all got a good laugh at it. I had cereal last night (one of my vices for late night) and went in her room, handed her the bowl and spoon and said "Here is a starter piece for your next collection." She and I got very tickled over that. Hmmm...that reminds me. Did I leave it in there or take it downstairs...

Gonna be hotter than blazes today and tomorrow. Hunker down time. Watch the pets carefully! If you are out and about drink water before you go out and when you come back. Me? I'm just gonna stay inside.

The glue that binds...

2009-08-10T02:13:00.005-04:00

Families are in many ways an accident of nature. We don't get to choose our family members, except our spouses and even then I'm not sure we know them as well as we think we do. We certainly don't choose spouses based on the spouse-to-be's family (well, not many of us).

So, what is this thing we call a family? What defines it, what makes some work well and others dysfunctional? What ties us together besides birth or name or living under the same roof?

Getting too "deep" for you? Why ask this question? Just figure it out as you go along and don't worry about it?

I think about my family all the time. I don't take anything for granted and I don't do anything without a reason. My family is my focus and I know that what we do, what we share, what we focus on and what we make important shapes, molds and builds the family unit we have. Leaving things to chance is not good. (Just in case you are wondering, I don't use the terms "in my opinion" since this is my blog it is already my opinion.) To get the family you want you have to constantly plan, focus and make sure you are doing the things to get what you want our of it.

I am convinced that the glue that binds a family, more than anything else, are the shared memories, the inside jokes, the "family secrets" and the shared experiences. These are more than memories, they should be bonds of trust, things that you can lean on in later times. These are the foundation on which each member will build on later in life.

My kids know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'll be there for them. That gives them all the confidence in the world to go forth and make things happen. I was there on those many Saturday's and Sunday's for soccer, band, baseball, birthdays, parties and sicknesses. I've rocked them for 48 hours straight when they had chicken pox.

This builds a bond, a closeness and trust that lasts a lifetime. You can not get this cheap, you can not get this easy. It is not a once in a while thing. It has to be an all the while thing.

Being there for what is important to them is critical. As they grow, the absolute little things are the biggest things to them. Seeing you there signifies love, acceptance and affirmation.

Much is talked about child rearing. I've learned that watching a child grow up, changing diapers, taking them to the doctor on weekends as well as during the week, watching them eat those first cheerios all make for a better, stronger relationship. You get to know this person, who they are, who their friends are, the types of choices they make AND you are a person that is there when they need guidance, a shoulder, a reminder. If you come in out of the blue or out of the cold and administer advice or punishment they don't know you, don't know your love, your caring and that you have their best interest in mind.

Where does this whole thing come from? Well, I am convinced that Farmville on Facebook is an evil plot to take over our minds by aliens. It is addicting! I kicked the habit and got that monkey off my back months ago. Thank you! Now my family is into it! All of them! Even my wife! And today my middle child, the last bastion of hope went over to the dark side and has joined the ranks of those on Farmville! I swear I can see things crawl under her skin to her head and are taking her over! Woe is me!

Alas, I too have slipped silently, quickly and decidedly back into the abyss of Farmville. They are all enjoying it and how can I bind us together if now with the glue of Farmville? It was either that or take away all the PC's!

Heinous...

2009-08-09T19:25:00.007-04:00

The web is a wonderful and awful thing. It brings us closer than ever yet can reveal things we'd rather not see. Today was one of those days for me.

Now, we all know the web took off mostly because of pornography. Much like how the porn industry decided that VHS instead of Betamax would be the choice for video taping. No news here. We all know that no URL is safe because we have either typed in or heard stories of people typing whitehouse.com (thankfully that is no longer the case) and gotten a porn site (even before the Clinton era).

Today I was just snooping around about the Godley name. Nothing new there. Most of us have googled ourselves and family to see what pops up. I've been having fun with images for GODLEY on Facebook and decided to hunt for a new one. Godley brings back a lot of results. It seems that Godley in New Zealand is pretty popular. Likewise in England. There is a Godley, Tx that is a small town outside the Dallas metro area. (Note to self, move there and have a town named after you!) Today I found that in NJ there were Godley's. They also owned slaves. One of them was William Godley, Jr. Not sure of the middle name but we have the same first, last and suffixes!

That kind of rocked me. To see my name attached to a list of slave owners from the early 1800's. Something I consider so heinous, so vile and so repulsive attached to my name. Even worse, there is a photo of a letter signed by this person who documents the birth of a female by his slave! He used the word slave in the letter!

I have no idea if we are related and I'm not sure I want to know.

I know this was a different time and a different place in our history but there are some things I think are universally wrong at any time and slavery is one of them. No amount of justification, attitude, explaining or view of history can ever justify this.

I've always been proud of the name Godley. The coat-of-arms is pretty cool (see photo) and the motto is "without God, nothing" which I really like. I'm not proud at all of this association with the name.

29 years and counting...

2009-08-03T10:22:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was our anniversary! 29 years and counting. We didn't do anything special, so much going on with the family and I was exhausted from working the concert the night before. So we hung out with the family, which was great. She did some shopping with our daughter for college stuff (need things in the apartment) and then we all went over to help get the stuff in and see the apartment. We all ate together here at home. We had a fix your own sub dinner. Sort of a free for all. My daughter's boyfriend was here as well as my nephew (he is visiting for a few days) so it was fun to hang out around the table, tell stories and laugh.

I had a great day. I think that is one of the wonderful things about being married so long. You get comfortable with people and can enjoy the simple things. You don't have to prove anything, you trust those you love. Once things settle a little we are going out for dinner, just the two of us.

Oh, I got new Pyrex dishes for a present! I am so excited. Been wanting a set since I saw my mother-in-law's dish. Oven safe and with lids! Very handy for how I cook. Now I have to use them to fix dinner. Wonder what I'll fix.

Saddest Day of the Year...

2009-08-01T10:54:00.005-04:00

Today is move in day for my college girl. She is moving into an on campus apartment at Meredith. I hate this day. I'm so proud of her and glad she is independent but I already miss her so much. This is her Junior year and it does not get any better.

Next year will be worse. She plans to do an internship in Japan during the summer, come home for a few weeks then go back and study there for the semester. I have no idea how I will deal with that! I am NOT looking forward to that at all. But, I need to get through this first. One heart break at a time.

She is heading over to pick up keys and drop a few boxes now. Then she comes back, we get the truck and load up the big stuff...fridge, TVs, etc. I'm not sure why she needs a fridge since it is an apartment and she has a big one there already but she has it from the dorm so she might as well use it.

I'm struggling like I always do to get through this. I will never get used to these days.

Give and take...

2009-07-30T20:58:00.004-04:00

I hate canned ham. OK, maybe hate is too strong a word. I eat it and I like the taste of it but I'd never fix if for myself. I'm not sure why. I love ham, especially when I cook them myself or if it is "real" ham. I love ham for sandwiches and we all know that is pretty much sliced canned ham. There is just something about canned ham that does not appeal to me.

My family likes it. My wife thinks it is a neat treat. So, I cook it, er uh actually "prepare" it is a better word since it is already cooked. I've tried spices in the oven, slices in a frying pan, pineapple and cloves in the oven but it is still not a big hit with me.

Today was canned ham day. I try to avoid them but here it was. I got home late and was kinda hoping it would be sandwich night...but nope. It was there, waiting for me, mocking me, making fun of me, daring me to "man up" and fix (yes, fix ... look at the definitions!) it for dinner.

Today, I decided to try something new. I cut it in slices while the ham was on its side. Each slice is the shape of the can. You know, sort of oval-ish. Not too thin, but nice and sorta thick. Then off to the grill. Yes, the grill. I was going to go all out and try and tackle this demon and get this monkey off my back.

It was the best canned ham I've had. But it was still canned ham. We had corn from the freezer (thank you Dorothy for putting this corn up last year) and frozen green beans (they were the bag kind you nuke for 5 minutes). I love frozen veggies. They are always fresher tasting. But it was still canned ham.

I ate my slice, enjoyed the corn and beans and washed it down with my favorite Laura drink. Pineapple juice and pineapple rum over ice. It helped but it was still canned ham.

All is not lost. I can dice up the leftover canned ham tomorrow morning and have a great omelet. Nothing like ham in an omelet with fresh hash browns! Thank God for the canned ham. I am so looking forward to breakfast now!

Words of wisdon...

2009-07-30T09:40:00.002-04:00

I was talking about how my daughter talks with images. Instead of saying something seems scary or "too country" like a dirt road she says "I hear banjos playing". I think of "words of wisdom" much the same way.

Things like "living a country song moment" are important. What is this? I blogged about this ages ago but essentially it is doing something you could write a country song about. Mine is "I danced with a pregnant woman in the Waffle House and she wasn't my wife". Now this was not anything like it seemed and my wife was there when it happened and we were with friends who were pregnant. The act of the dancing is not important. What is important is recognizing and naming those events in like. They cement the memory. Memories are the fabric of our lives.

Memories are who and what we are. They are what we've done but also set the pattern for what we will do. I think it is important to build memories for yourself and your family. It is what they will hold onto and build with.

When I read things I do so in much the same way. I try to look at things a little differently. Today, Barry Saunders, columnist for the News and Observer here in Raleigh was talking about Random Acts of Kindness and paying it forward. Remember the movie with the little boy? Well he has some wisdom today that is important in life: "I don't think leaving an extra large tip for Bubblicious at Brothers III strip club at Christmas qualifies as paying it forward".

You gotta love this! This puts an image to the article. I found it very funny. That is wisdom to live by. I think me and my buddies leaving her extra large tips might be "paying it forward". When I asked my wife about this she just looked at me. I said, "yeah, if it is not kindness for Barry it probably is not for us." Amazing how her look had so many Words of Wisdom!

Banjo's are playing...

2009-07-29T16:43:00.004-04:00

Kids are so funny. My daughter speaks in images and does it all the time, naturally. I love it. She spent the day with me the yesterday. I'm working with a friend in his fencing business and it is very interesting. She tagged along to see what I was doing and to hang with her Dad. she measured while I drew the diagram and made notes.

We were in Johnston county and driving to the appt. along a country road when she turns to me with a concerned look and said..."Dad, I'm not going to have to measure a whole farm am I?" I said no and explained it was a fence for a large yard. She was OK with that. After the appt. we headed to the next and the directions took us down a dirt road that was not in good repair at all. Being from the eastern part of the state I know well that dirt roads are common in rural areas and often connect two paved roads as short cuts. She has lived her whole life in Raleigh so dirt roads are new. As I turned on it and started down the dirt road she looks at me and says "If I hear banjo's..." Well, I cracked up! Her reference to Deliverance was so right on! Next she sees a couch just dumped along the road. She is amazed and goes "there is a couch! Look, there is a bed! OMG!" Coming from the south a dirt road in the country is just a free landfill where stuff gets dumped. You'd be surprised if it wasn't there. Obviously, we don't see couches on the streets of Raleigh. But maybe we should.

We had a great day. She is such fun. I think she came home and put ear plugs in just in case the banjo's started to play.

Frogs...

2009-07-16T13:26:00.004-04:00

An old, lonely lady was walking along the street and saw a pet store. With nothing else to do and nowhere else to be she walked in. There, among the reptiles, was a frog. Rather plain, simple looking frog. Suddenly he whispered to her saying "I'm lonely too. Purchase me and take me home with you. You will not be sorry." Having done nothing on impulse for years the lady bought the frog. On the way home the frog, sitting on the front seat, looked at her and said "Kiss me. You won't be sorry." Thinking to herself "In for a dime..." she reached over, grabbed the frog and kissed him.

Immediately the frog was transformed into a gorgeous, hunky prince. The prince leaned over and kissed the woman on the lips. Immediately she felt a transformation taking place. Then immediately turned into......

Can you guess?

She turned into the Holiday Inn. She's old, not dead.

Beach trip and me...

2009-07-13T13:22:00.002-04:00

Laura went to the beach with her girlfriends Saturday. They left first thing in the morning and got home about 11:30 pm. She had a blast. She borrowed a couple of our folding chairs and our folding cabana (one of those pop-ups that is made for the beach. They had the obligatory coolers and just sat on the beach and "basked in the glow of utter civility." They had a late dinner at Dockside (she said the food was OK but the service was awful) and then came home.

She is 24 and this is no big deal. Right? For a Dad it is a big deal. I worry. It is what we do and I am very good at it. I wanted to call her soooo bad but never did. I figured she needs to do her thing and I'm dealing with it. It is not fun but I am dealing with it. I tell myself she will call me if she needs me and if she needs me and can't call then I could not get her anyway and there is likely nothing I can do. That last part is the part I struggle with.

Dad's are supposed to fix things. We make things better and solve life's problems. She's solving her own problems now and that hurts a little. Oh, she throws me the pity "problem" once in a while. Like she needs her hose holder moved to a new wall. That is so easy it is a nothing. But for some reason I can't get myself to go do it. I've thought about it and I think the problem is I know it'll be a simple thing and that means she's really growing up.

I've done all I can to prepare her for growing up and she is doing awesome. She is a confident, happy young woman and is very happy on her own. I just miss the little girl that came to me with all sorts of problems and said "fick it daddy" and expected me to fix everything. I'm proud she does not need that any more. What is surprising is that I still need that!

OK, time to go move the hose holder. If I can bring myself to do it.

As I get older...

2009-07-12T13:32:00.007-04:00

I am getting old. No way around it but I don't mind. I remember what my Dad said: "I like getting old. Look at the alternative." I think that is healthy. I try to look at the advantages, too. Now, don't get me wrong. There are some things you have to get used to. For example, the joints don't cooperate quite like the did when I was 20. The back is a little more finicky and the eyes and ears are not as sharp as they used to be.

What I do like is the wisdon that comes with age. The knowledge that not everything is critical. Not everything matters like the end of the world. You've been there, done that and usually have the t-shirt if not the scars to prove it.

I find teaching easier, too. I value passing on ideas and sharing that wisdom more. I don't always expect my progeny to do exactly what I try and teach them the first time they hear it. I hope I am planting a seed that will grow and blossom when needed later and will be something that bears fruit for their kids or nieces/nephews and grand kids.

We were working Walnut Creek last night to raise money for band fees. It is fun to work with the other parents and kids. We always have a good time. Last night was kind of slow so we had more time to socialize. AJ, my youngest who is in the band, was working the food. It was fun to teach him the routines we've already learned. His sister took him around, showed him where things were and "showed him the ropes". I love seeing that. AJ, in his quiet way just watched and listened then did it just like he was shown. No big deal. Brittany was at a window last night for the first time. She was a little skittish about selling beer and all the checks we have to do to the license but in no time she was an expert and having some fun. One guy came to her window 8 times! Another gave her a $3 tip because she was nice.

There was leftover pizza last night. AJ found out he could take some home so he loaded himself up with 10 single serve boxes! He loves pizza. There was an empty box on the counter this morning from his "breakfast". Go figure. Me? I just grabbed a sub that was left and split it with Brittany. He was excited and liked the "perk" of working there. During a break his sister took him with her and showed him where to get a hot dog and coke. Those two were something. I like seeing this as I get older.

Just when you need it...

2009-07-10T10:24:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure if you think or believe there is a God or not. You might think it is all a big coincidence. Maybe you are still looking for answers but don't even know you have a question. Or, maybe you've figured it all out and are sure of what you know. I think each of us comes to our own conclusions. As for me and mine, we believe. But this is not about believing in God and it is not about convincing you of anything. Nope, it is about something that happened to me this morning.

A dear cousin of mine suddenly popped up following me on Twitter two days ago and then we linked up on Facebook. We traded a couple of emails and today I got one with pictures of her family which I adore. She is 12 years younger than me and has almost always lived far away from the rest of the family. Many years ago, when I was in college or just out, she and her family came for a visit. She was staying with my Mom and Dad. I was home for a the summer and we just bonded and talked a lot. Family has always been important to me and here was family I didn't get to see often so it was fun to connect. Her mother and father were always some of my favorite and I still feel the same.

Today, she told me that her visit had a big impact on her life. She thought I was a cool college guy and she wanted to be like me and go to college. No one from our family had gone to college at that point and I was the first college person she knew. She liked that and it encouraged her to do the same. She wrote "I wanted to be like you".

Is that a great thing to say to someone or what. What an uplift I get from that. But better than that, is her faith. I've watched her grow over the years and I've always been so impressed by her faith in God. I need to tell her that she has been a huge model for me and I want to be like her, to have that active faith. I'm sure God brought her into my life not for me to impact her, but for her to impact me. He's allowed her to do it again today.

People ask me how I can stay so positive while being out of work. Work is not the end of the rainbow, it is something we do. I love to work and I am still working. I read the blogs, news, etc. for the Pharmaceutical industry. I keep up with supply chain happenings. I'm just not getting paid for it right now. :) I'm also searching for what I want and where I'm supposed to be. If I was willing to move out west, the northeast or Canada I would have had a job long ago. Right now my family does not want to move so I'm looking here. I've known from the beginning that God has a plan. He has not let me in on it yet, but he is there, working it out. I just need to be patient and listen. I am trying to do my part. Today he reminded me that he is still there. I know that is why he sent my cousin and why her note has so uplifted me. Thanks 'cuz! You were there just when I needed it!

Cooking...

2009-07-07T18:31:00.002-04:00

Brittany is cooking dinner tonight. I love it when she cooks. She never does things like anyone else and you never know what she is going to fix. Tonight: Chicken Spaghetti. I can not wait! I've never had it and I know I'll love it.

She is like Laura and AJ. When they cook they cook for what they like. Oh, they care about what others might think but they know they have to cook what they like or no one will like it. They are all imaginative in their own ways. Laura tends to cook new things and do them a little different. A different cheese, a different spice, etc. Brittany tends to cook traditional dishes but her way. Like tonight, chicken spaghetti. We usually eat it with hamburger or Italian sausage. Not Brittany! Nope, she has to do chicken. AJ, he picks a dish and then refines it slowly, changing little things as he cooks it each time. He likes to get them right before moving on. He came up with the idea to put Texas Pete in the recipe for bean dip and wow was it good!

I like this about my kids. I like that they experiment to bend the world to them. I think we should all do this. Don't accept things just because they've always been that way. See what we like, keep that, throw away the parts that no longer fit and add new ones that fit/work better.

I just hope my wife doesn't take that principle to spouses, too!

Changing my mind...

2009-07-05T21:16:00.002-04:00

My son is almost someone I don't know. Every time I look at him I am amazed at how he has grown and how he is maturing. He is 16 now and I swear it was a week ago he was running around in his osh kosh b'gosh overalls grabbing my leg. My daughters are the same way. I still find it hard to imagine that one has her own place! The other went to the beach with her friends and NO parents!

Kids change. We all know that. What I find amazing is how they never stop changing but even more how they never stop changing us, if we let them. If we let them.

I think as we get older we get more set in our ways, less open to change and new ideas. "I know what I like" seems to be a mantra and I suspect it comes from having "been around the track a few times" making us think we've seen it all and thus know it all. This dulls us to the world and some of its changes.

Kids, they experience something new almost everyday. They are used to it and thrive on it. Change and new experiences are all they've ever known. They've not been lulled to sleep by the same routine and process each day. They spend time with friends, who spend time with other friends, etc. This makes access to new information happen exponentially to them. Add to that the web, Xbox, cell phones, mobile web, Facebook, etc. and they know things before they happen. I think we have to adapt to their world so we don't lose touch of them and the world, too.

I am on Facebook each day. I did it to keep tabs on my kids and to see who they're on-line friends were. Then I started getting "friend requests" from people I know my age that I work with, used to work with, met through work. This was great. I can keep up with folks easier and we can remain close. Then neighbors linked up and then old school friends, some whom I have not seen in 30+ years!

I like this and I like how it shrinks the world a little bit and makes us closer. I also like how it makes me think about a lot of things. I like connecting with people I don't see or have not seen in a while.

My kids keep me on my toes, constantly making me think, innovate and change how I see the world. That is good for me and it keeps me in touch with them.

Thanks kids. Keep making me grow. Don't ever change.

Great 4th...

2009-07-05T11:47:00.006-04:00

We had a great 4th! Brittany had me up early with a list to finish before Sunday. We want the house clean when Diann and AJ get back today (5th) so Brittany made the lists for the two of us. We did our work, got showers and headed out. Dao joined us and we picked up Laura and hit Ace Hardware (I needed a small chain for the lifter in the toilet) and we then hit "the teetah" for some dinner items.

Once we got home I hit the kitchen running. First, I fixed my "grill potatoes" that we all love. I sliced up a bunch of potatoes in the food processor (so fast, easy and perfect slices), sliced onion, mixed them together with butter, salt, pepper, and Parmesan cheese. Wrapped it in foil and Dao put them on the grill.

Next were the loin chops. I was going to cook the whole loin but it was getting late so I cut it up into thick chops and then rubbed them with a combination of Emeril's Essence, brown sugar, onion powder and garlic powder. Dao and Brittany put those on the grill on indirect heat.

Then, I took corn on the cob from the freezer (my mother-in-laws) and put butter on it and wrapped them in foil. They went on the grill next to the potatoes.

35 minutes later...VOILA! Dinner! It was too good to imagine. We feasted large! For desert, Laura fixed a cake decorated with fruit like the flag. It was a great dinner. We sat, ate, talked, laughed and had a blast.

We then watched Grudge 3 (not a fan but the kids wanted to watch it). And to top it all off, we decided about 10pm we needed munchies and had waffles and bacon!

I then hit the rack with Maddie. She started shaking from the fireworks so I had to hold her and give her a pill. She gets so scared of noises. But, she is my pup and I would not trade her for anything.

The girls and Dao all told me how much they enjoyed the day and evening. They thought it was one of the best 4th's ever. It really is never about where you are, it is about who you are with. Janis Joplin did have it right in her song...

Convalescing Week...

2009-07-04T11:18:00.004-04:00

Been a week of convalescing for the family. Laura has a very nasty ear infection and is on 3 meds for it. She is 24 but I am going to have to put my foot down and get her to an ENT to see if she needs tubes or something. A Dad's gotta do what a Dad's gotta do.

AJ had his toe operated on, sort of this week. He has a severe ingrown toe nail that got infected so he was antibiotics for the week and yesterday the doctor in Banner Elk cut it open to get cleaned out. He was so bothered by it he was looking forward to having it cut. In typical AJ fashion he just put in headphones and watched a movie on his ipod while the doctor did his thing. He is ruling the house now. He has the laptop, phone, TV, etc. set up in the bedroom. His Nana gave him a bell to ring so he doesn't have to get up for anything. Coming home is going to be rough on him! :)

Brittany continues to get over bug bites from the beach trip. Her poor legs are covered and look awful. She is coping and working hard to avoid scratching them. Not sure I could do that. She is using anti-itch cream a lot but it only does just so much. I think she's had her fill of camping. ;)

Diann seems to be the only one not sick, at least as far as I know.

Me? I had a stomach thing for a day. But I am over that and rocking. The girls and I plan to cook out tonight and then go watch some fireworks. I am thinking thick cut loin chops but I might just inject the loin and put a rub on the outside and cook it over indirect heat. I'd like to try that and it is easier than the chops. Normally when we see the loins on sale we buy them and cut them up into chops and freeze the chops or leave a portion whole for a roast. Somehow this whole loin got put in the freezer so I'm going to cook the whole thing. AJ comes home tomorrow so it is not going to go to waste.

I hope where ever you are and whatever you are doing you take some time to realize how lucky we all are. America is truly the greatest place in the world. Our form of government is not perfect but it is better than any other form in the world.

Diann and AJ, if you read this, come home safe and have a good 4th of July!

What freedom means...

2009-07-03T14:22:00.004-04:00

Ages ago Janis Joplin wrote a song called "Me and Bobby McGee" with lyrics that include "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" and I always think of those lyrics when anyone mentions FREEDOM. Freedom is not free, it costs dearly and we've paid the price for it many times and our soldiers are paying that price even today. When Colin Powell was Secretary of State he was asked about diplomacy versus military action. His reply is telling. He said that in the last 100 years Americans have left their shores many times to fight for freedom and all we've ever asked is land to bury our dead.

We are a country that knows freedom and in many ways we invented it. We hold it dear and not just for ourselves. We want others to shape their own destiny and build their own lives. Freedom is never free.

My wife and son have been gone for a month. I miss them terribly. Someone asked me how I was enjoying the "freedom". I said "Fine" but I was not enjoying it at all. Yeah, I had no one to answer to but then they were not here to share my joys, sorrows and to laugh or cry with me. Being free to do what you want just means you don't have anyone to share it with. Giving up that "freedom" for my family was the best deal I've ever made.

I have enjoyed the time with my daughters. We've had many dinners together, laughed and taken care of each other. I can't wait for my son and wife to return so I can do the same with them! I'll be glad when my "freedom" is over!

If you see a soldier in the coming months be sure to stop, shake their hand and thank them for the service and sacrifice they make so that we can enjoy our freedom.

In-laws...New people in our families to love

2009-06-30T11:11:00.003-04:00

Time to talk about in-laws...This came to me because my sister-in-law called me this week just to check in. Now, she is married to my wife's brother so that makes her like a double sister -in-law since two marriages had to happen to make us related.

I like her. I'm pretty picky about people and as we all know very opinionated. But, I like her. She remembers the kids birthdays (and sends presents), calls regularly (not often but regular) and she reads my blog (that alone is reason enough to like her :) ) to keep up with the family. She has been supportive as I figure out what I want to do for work and look for work. She sends me notes on meetings, ideas, etc. She's been there, done that and got the t-shirt. I appreciate her support, calls and notes. You sometimes feel alone in the nether world of the jobless and I like the support she gives. If you ever meet her watch out for her infectious grin. Thanks B!

My brother-in-law, not the one married to the sister-in-law above but the one married to my sister is a good guy. He is not talkative but is steady, a great husband to my sister and has done yeoman duty for my niece and nephew. For a quiet guy he is funny. I've not seen him in several months and need to just get my butt over there to say hello. He is the type of guy to not call but would come if I called. I'm surprised I like him so much since we are so different but I think we revel in the differences and in the ways we are alike. When we are together we give my sister a lot of grief, which is the job of any brother. You da man, N!

My brother-in-law that is married to the sister-in-law above is a good guy. I've never spent much time with him but I like him. An avid golfer he shoots in the low 80's to 70's on a regular basis and can shoot 36 holes in one day when the temp is 95 degrees! That is not stamina but it does begin with an "S". I've known him since he was about 9 and he has grown into a good man. Smart as all day. He can't remember a birthday from spit but he married to shore up that deficiency. OOPS! Sorry B! You thought he married for love.

I think my mother and father in-law deserve a whole 'nother posting. I adore them. They really are wonderful people. They've always been there for us and they'll do anything for the kids. I've watched them to learn how to be a grandparent. More on them later. Likewise, my brother-in-law from my other sister. I need time to discuss that one.

Don't know why I wrote this. Maybe because in-laws are like appendix to a family. Part of it but no one knows what they do and if you take them out it hurts but you can live just fine. I'm not sure I feel that way. I think they ARE family and I'd not be the same without mine, not at all.

When we had a child my wife calmed my fear. I was so worried because I didn't know where the love would come from for a new family member. She explained it was new love for a child. She was right. When the second came along I again was concerned because I loved the first one so much I could not imagine sharing that love with another one. She explained there was no sharing, you just got a whole new set of love. She was so right.

God does that with in-laws, too. We need to open ourselves up to the love God gives us for these special people in our lives. If we don't we are missing something special! I am grateful for my in-laws, all of them. Thank you God for all your gifts.

Art, Clay jar or something else altogether...

2009-06-29T23:08:00.004-04:00

Ron Philbeck is a talented potter. Click on his name for a link to his blog. He posted a simple question about what a potter should post for his wares. Wow, the last time I looked there were 42 comments! Every student of business, marketing and economics should read this! I had to pipe up with 2 posts. You know me, can't keep quiet about economics/business. By the way, visit his website and his selling site, too. You'll love his work and cherish it for a lifetime.

I read several of the blogs and have purchased pots from a couple of these potters and other potters as well. I found the comments to this blog especially interesting because they made me think, and not just about the economics of selling pots.

I have 2 jars Ron made for me. They sit on my kitchen counter and are used EVERYDAY! One contains salt and one contains pepper. We use them to cook, to season food at the table, prepping food and even when we are enjoying watermelon! (You gotta have salt on watermelon.) These are as much a part of our kitchen as the stove or the sink. I could not cook without them.

I also have a butter dish that Jen Mecca made. We love this but it stays mostly in the fridge. I don't use it for cooking, just for putting on the table. It is a little fancier but when cooking I'm measuring butter and well, it is just not a cooking item. (Sorry about the poor picture Jen!)

My family likes both of these. I like them because they serve a purpose for me AND I am supporting something and someones I think are good people. And I LIKE the pots!

Are they art or just utilitarian objects. I think both. They serve a useful function but we like them, they have meaning to use, we know the people that made them and people comment on them every time they see them! So it sounds like art but we use them regularly to fill a utilitarian need.

I guess this isn't a question that needs an answer or if so it is an answer that is different for everyone. I love the items and I like the people that made them.

Simple Pleasures...

2009-06-29T21:04:00.003-04:00

I had a great evening! I went shopping (grocery) with my daughter Laura. She needed to pick up some salad items and I needed to take advantage of the double coupons up to $1.98 at Harris Teeter or as we call them "the teetah".

I took all my coupons of $1 or more and hit the road. We did not need a lot of things but at DOUBLE up to $1.98 I could not miss this. Between the store specials and the doubles I saved over $62! I spent $95 for $160 of groceries! Laura and I had fun going up and down the store looking, comparing and having fun. At least I did. One of my favorites was Lowry's marinade that we LOVE for chicken. It was bogo on sale and I had a $1.50 coupon! I got 2 bottles for $.28. Yes, 28 cents!

Then, while shopping we saw Sue Stock! She is the coupon queen! She works for the News and Observer (local newspaper) and has a blog and teaches classes all on how to save money and use coupons. She checked out when we did and saved $84! OMG! I was able to chat with her for a few moments. She is very nice and a pleasure to meet.

OK, that is my celebrity moment and big savings. I did a two-fer today!

Laura laughed at me all the way home! She got so tickled to see me stoked about something like this.

The simple pleasures...

We've all been there....well, most of us!

2009-06-25T10:10:00.004-04:00

A friend from college sent this to me recently. While I've never gone this far I've sure wanted to! Take a look and see if this could have been you.

http://glumbert.com/media/baddayoffice

Kids...

2009-06-21T11:31:00.003-04:00

Life gives us choices along the road it takes us. Those choices are often like Robert Frost's poem The Road Not Taken. Our choices make all the difference.

I was talking with a dear college friend of mine yesterday during her visit while returning from vacation at the beach. We were talking about choices and I told her that I'd not change a thing about my life since college. That was not a surprise to her but my daughter was there and she seemed a little surprised. My friend knows me well enough to know that I make a decision and go on. I don't live with "what ifs". You should think about your decisions in advance and look at the possibilities and determine the correct decision. Once that is made, don't look back.

Now this is not to say we don't remember history or learn from it. Far from it. I am a huge fan and disciple of history. That is part of wisdom that comes with age. What I am talking about is the "oh I wish I had" syndrome that I think we worry too much about. Living life this way just causes us to miss the present and impedes the ability to look forward to the future with anticipation instead of anxiety.

Oh sure, there are a number of things that I wish had turned out differently. We all have those. But how we deal with them, learn from then and don't dwell on them defines us as much as or more than the actual outcome of the choice made.

Ed Coleman, a friend and colleague of mine at GSK, gave me some great advice once. I was lamenting something and he looked at me and said "Al, you have a great wife, wonderful kids, a good job and lots of friends. Now, what was it you were saying?" I've not forgotten that to this day! At that time Ed was not married and did not have kids but wanted both. What a great lesson for me. Thankfully he has a wife and child now and I'm sure he is enjoying Father's Day. Happy Father's Day, Ed!

I am lucky to have 3 wonderful kids. Each as different from the other as night is from day, but all share many of the same traits. They keep family first, they are polite, they help others, they are self reliant and they love each other. They have personalities that make them unique but have learned how to balance that with the things that are important and bind them together and to their Mom and I.

My son is with his Grandfather for Father's Day but called me early today and sent me presents. He has called a second time. I've told him to enjoy the day and make it special for his Grandfather. I think he misses me and wants to be here but I'm glad he is with his grandfather. Those times are special, too.

My girls decorated the house with streamers and balloons. They had tons of presents for me. Coffee was ready when I got up and they fixed me my favorite breakfast. We are opened presents together and I got lots of things I like! Spending time with them is always the best present and I'd not trade it for the world. We are going to dinner tonight and they are baking a cake for me. Chocolate cake, chocolate icing and pecans! Now tell me, does it get any better than this? NO!

I think we'll watch a movie today, too. I'm hoping we can find The Paper Chase. Good, classic movie that I know they'll enjoy since they've had the college experience.

Sure, there are things I wish had gone differently. Sure there are things I'd rather have turned out better. But I'd not change one thing and risk not having the greatest kids in the world. We are a sum of our parts. We are the choices we've made. If this is so, I'll take my choices and their outcomes. I have the greatest kids in the world.

Thank you Laura, Brittany and AJ for a great father's day! I love you and I am proud of you!

A letter to my son...

2009-06-17T20:12:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday! 16 is a special time. It is another of life's transition times where you are not quite an adult but people expect you to act like one. The problem is you still think and are treated as if you were not an adult. It is not easy and no one ever really figures it out until they are older. But wait, then you are an adult and it is too late. So, don't sweat it and do enjoy it. The years are passing by so roll with them and just be you. A kid when you need to be and can. An adult when you want to be and need to be. There is Xbox for all the times in between.

I've watched you grow strong and smart. You think better, faster and in directions even I struggle to match. I am so proud of you. You are kind to those less fortunate and weaker. You look out for ways to help people. Those that would be bullies you don't tolerate and don't let them influence you. What great traits to have. I love you for all of these.

I've watched you grow from a small boy fascinated with big trucks and equipment to a man that works hard on the yard without complaining and makes money by recycling metal that others would throw away. You are generous with all you have and seem to have time to help everyone when asked. You'll try anything and master most everything. You care about everyone.

You struggle with classes that don't interest you and gobble up the ones that do. You stay ahead of your teachers in math but don't like wasting time showing the work. You know how to do it so why bother? I am constantly on you about these things. It is my job. But know that while I can't let you get away with them, I suffered the same way when I was your age. I see the value NOW in not doing things that way and want you to do better and not learn my lessons the hard way but I know that learning is what we do best. I'm proud of you and I love you.

I watch you help your sister with her gardening projects. I watch you take care of your Mom and help her in all things. I see you watch after her to make sure she is taking care of herself. I see you offer your candy to your sister and love her dog when she is away. I so love the hugs you give me each day just because you love me. I love you.

You'll have many triumphs in your life. You look to the future, you live life for now and you cherish the past. You put family first and do for others before you do for yourself. You are a wonderful son, a wonderful person and a wonderful friend. I am proud of you.

If I could have anything in the world and could change anything ever, I'd not change one thing about you. I love you the way you are and I am proud of who you are. I am proud to be your father.

I love you!

Dad

Layoff...

2009-06-16T09:38:00.003-04:00

December 11, 2008 was the day I was laid off. I got the call about 9-ish that morning. I was working at my desk (home office) and got an email from a co-worker that she just got a call and was laid off. Very quickly my phone rang and I got the news, too.

I'd never gone through this and it was a shock. After 2-3 minutes the anger went away and my normal, calculating self went into action. I realized that there would be trying times ahead and I needed some ground rules for me to guide me. I promised myself that I would not panic, I would not worry and I would remain positive throughout the experience. Those 3 things have kept me on track and helped me and my family through the last 6 months.

During this time I've had conversations with companies that wanted me to move for jobs. Canada, California, and the northeast U.S. were all on the table. That was too big a change for the family and I've accepted that. Giving of yourself and your desires for your family is one of the trade-offs you make when you get married and have kids. I don't regret it and in fact it has helped me re-think what I want.

I've done the corporate world thing for 30 years and have loved it and done well. At first I just wanted to get back to it. Now, I'm realizing that I'm not so sure that is where I need/want to be after all. Travel for fun and vacation is one thing but for business it is another. I can do it and it is no big deal but being home is a lot more appealing! I am going to work with a local company doing sales, which was my first love, and if I like it I might buy the company. The owner wants to sell and this might be exactly what I've been looking for!

Talk about a 180 degree change! But not really. I like challenges, I like people and I like working. A dear friend put me onto this idea and is encouraging me to do it. She is the most positive person you can imagine and I know God sent her along to nudge me in a new direction. A lot has to happen for this to work out but it has given me a different excitement than I've had for some time.

I know the pharmaceutical industry very well. I've had the opportunity to do more things than most anyone I know. I love the industry and the people but things change and I change with them.

I truly believe that God sends us places to teach us things. I know he is trying to teach my hard head something. He closed one door but has graciously seems to be opening another. I'm ready for it more than I ever thought I'd be.

I am back! Long story so bear with me...

2009-06-15T09:58:00.003-04:00

I stopped blogging for a number of reasons. None of them valid to anyone but me and now I'm not sure they were valid even for me. Let me bring me (and you) up to speed.

I started blogging for me but then I realized I was blogging for others as well and mostly for my family. But they just were not into reading the blogs (they liked them but are not PC people like I am) and I guess this impacted me and "hurt my feelings". Go figure! How awful of me to feel that way. Blogging is for me, first, and others next, I guess. I need the therapy of putting words to paper or clicks to the screen. It is not a personal thing towards me if the family does not want to read my blog. They hear me every day already. I guess I had an inflated view of my "words" or something.

As a note, Becky has been a great inspiration! Becky is someone I've developed a netship (a virtual friendship) with because I have followed some potters blogs (see the list) and she heard about my blog and has encouraged me. We linked up recently on facebook and she encouraged me to start blogging again. Thanks Becky. Maybe we'll meet one day and have coffee (in a Ron mug!) and a live conversation! Let me encourage you to support a potter. Using items that were made by people you can know and name add something special. Life is that way, too.

Next, I was laid off in a massive layoff the company I worked for had. What a tough experience! You question everything. More on that specific issue in a later post. I've been doing some soul searching over the last 6 months and I think I'm arriving in a new place. Not that we have a choice about these things because life is a journey and we don't always get to choose the exits and routes on which we find ourselves.

I'm going to post about jobs, life and other things to sort them out. Anyone reading this should bear with me. I'll take them through what I've been through and still going through. The good and the bad and the nether world stuff that I'm still figuring out. It has been amazing over the last 6 months. I wish I had shared it along the way but I think I needed to figure some stuff out. Not that I've got it all figured out but I'm getting there!

So, for now this is the start. It was hard doing this but now that I've started I'm glad. More to come.

Final Post.

2008-12-05T13:06:00.000-05:00

No more posts. If you've read this blog, thanks.

Help for the holidays...

2008-12-04T08:47:00.001-05:00

You are going to love this! Dog House

Silence is deafening!

2008-12-03T18:42:00.003-05:00

I've not blogged lately because I've just not been able to sort out my thoughts. My oldest daughter moved out and is doing very well. This evening I was walking through the house and the silence was deafening! One moved out, one at college and the youngest, 15, was studying. No noise, no music, not yelling...that might sound like nirvana to most people but after 3 kids and constant motion and sound for 23 years it is a little tough on the ears and senses.

I'm so proud of my daughter but I am struggling with this. It is just part of being a parent, the dichotomy of it all. Wanting to hold them back while needing to push them away.

We were at her new home last night. We had spaghetti and helped her decorate her tree. What a great new tradition! She doesn't have a dining table yet so we all just sat around where we could and ate. Easily one of the best meals I've ever had. I know it was one of the most memorable. My younger daughter did the cooking and it was great! I was quiet most of the evening. I was just listening, soaking up the great time and basking in the glow of utter civility!

I pulled a pack of burgers out of the freezer. 12 big patties in one pack. Time was that with 5 of us that would have been a meal and enough leftovers for some lunch the next day. Now, just 3 of us and we'll eat them for a week! We invited the new home owner but she "had plans" with her buds from work. I remember those days!

I'll eventually get use to the quiet. But I'll never like it and I'll always long for the days and times when they are all here. Christmas will be that time again. Can't wait for that!

I like this idea...

2008-12-01T08:34:00.003-05:00

A lot has been going on. Thanksgiving at my sister's house with the family. Always a great event. I wish I'd had more time and opportunity to catch up with my sister. We've both been so busy lately. We need some "catch up" time together.

Well, it is official. My daughter has moved out! She is now living in her own home. We moved her Friday and Saturday. It was a whole family event. She has spent the last 2 nights in her new home. I am proud of her and very happy for her. Now, we have to get stuff cleaned up here from her move and begin the process of turning her bedroom into an office/craft room for my wife!

I talked to my sister-in-law last night. I always enjoy her calls. She is the ultimate "up" person. She is always happy and cheerful. She called for info on what the kids want. I told her that they wanted....HA! Thought I'd tell you, right? During the chat she was telling me how she wants a new couch for their house. She said she's seen every couch in the area and has been looking longer for her couch than she knew her husband before marrying him! We always suspected she wasn't picky about spouses but now we know for sure! We both got a big laugh at that.

A friend of mine sent this to me in an email. I don't know who wrote this but I like this idea. I wish it could get some "legs" under it and maybe become reality.

THE JOB - URINE TEST
Whoever wrote this one deserves a HUGE pat on the back! Let's find out and recommend to Obama for a Cabinet post. ;-)
Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them? Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their rear end, doing drugs, while I work. Can you imagine how much money the state would save If people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check? Pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don't. Tho, hope you will pass it along. Something has to change in this country soon!I guess we could entitle that program, "Urine or You' re Out."

Far from home...

2008-11-26T16:44:00.003-05:00

Something cool that Xerox is doing!

If you go to this web site, http://www.letssaythanks.com/ you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq . You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services. How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! This is a great site. Please send a card.

It is FREE and it only takes a second. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our guys and gals over there need to know we are behind them.

Let them know, especially in this season how thankful we are to have them serving.

Ultimate Vacation...

2008-11-25T10:15:00.003-05:00

Obviously, any vacation time away with my family is a perfect vacation. Yet, one of those weird things that "pop" into our minds from time to time is a vacation where I visit the best barbeque places in the state! I'd like to take a trip and visit each one. Hitting 2 per day, one for lunch and one for dinner! What a great way to see the state from New Bern to Murphy! I know, you'd need to push Lipitor IV daily and chug-a-lug the blood pressure meds but wow, what a trip.

I'm partial to Eastern NC bbq. I like the whole hog better. My favorites are Moore's in New Bern, Bullock's in Durham, King's in Kinston and Allen & Son in Chapel Hill. Never go through there without a stop for 'que sammich (yes, with 2 m's).

Now, don't get me wrong, that western or "Lexington" style is palatable, too. I've lived in High Point and had some of that 'que on a regular basis. I've been to Short Sugars and I've dined in Lexington. I can choke a plate of that right on down!

I love cooking my own, too. I have a pig cooker and love to 'fire that puppy up' for an occasion or two whenever I can.

I've been trying to decide what to fix for Christmas dinner this year. I was planning on rack of lamb, mushroom risotto, pumpkin soup with mushrooms and sauteed green beans, but I just might have to strike a match to the pig cooker and serve some 'que. I'm thinking a pig with slaw, fries and 'puppies would be a fitting repast for Christmas.

I think some time away would help me decides. Maybe a short trip...

And then there were two...

2008-11-24T15:03:00.002-05:00

Well, she did it. My first born is an official homeowner. She closed on her home today! What a great day for her. Me? All I can think about is when I watched her take that first step, her learning to ride a bike, baiting her first hook, her first date, learning to drive a car and going off to college!

Time doesn't fly, it is what we make of it and how we choose to use it. I've been fortunate and have shared many wonderful hours with my kids. This is bitter sweet. I'm happy and proud that at 23 she is a homeowner but I'm going to miss my baby so much!

As I told my wife today on the way home from dropping some stuff off at her place, it is just down the street but it is a long way away.

Old dog and new tricks...

2008-11-23T17:25:00.002-05:00

My middle child is so delightful. She's been cooking all weekend! Now, she's not know for liking to cook but has begun cooking a lot. She's very good at it. She reminds me of me in her approach. She plans what she wants to cook, gets organized and buys the items needed and then cooks it.

Last night we had sauteed spinach, mushrooms and asparagus with steak over rice. It was awesome! For dessert she fixed fresh strawberries with whipped cream and a chocolate cookie. What a simple but perfect dessert.

Tonight is stuffed peppers! She's been digging through the myriad of cookbooks we have and is finding recipes she likes. She likes to cook rice and is very good at it. She likes things Asian and I think that influences her cooking, which is fine. We all draw inspiration and influence from things we like and know. She's always been interested in the Asian culture and cooking Asian just reinforces her learning and what she likes.

This morning she cooked breakfast for everyone. Two of us had pancakes (awesome) and my wife had eggs with cheese. When I fix them I put the cheese in near the end. If you put it in at the beginning the cheese melt and then can burn before the eggs cook. My daughter mixes the cheese with the eggs in a bowl before putting them in the pan. This mixing coats the cheese with egg and keeps it from burning as the eggs cook! I never tried this and thought it was cool. An old dog can learn new tricks!

What's important?

2008-11-23T17:13:00.004-05:00

I was out today with my son. It's always a good day with him. We have a lot of fun just doing normal stuff. His relaxed, fun loving manner is contagious and I enjoy it.

We got me a haircut. I was getting a little shaggy and needed a clip job. Then we headed to get him some pants. The boy out grows everything I buy him! He has one pair of long pants and it has been pretty chilly so we had to get some more. He'd be happy wearing shorts all year but I'm sure even his legs would get cold.

He patiently tried on everything I threw over the fitting room door. He never gets impatient or whiny. He just gets along. We found 3 pair he liked and I liked and that would fit. It was a great day AND 2 of them were priced at 1/2 off! Always a good day when that happens.

He is so much fun to be around. He laughs easy, sees the fun in everything, and just likes going along for the ride. He tried to convince me to "see a man about a dog" but his sister is fixing stuffed peppers for dinner and it is one of my favorites so I passed on the idea.

We got home and he immediately started blowing leaves again. He knows this is his job and doesn't complain. He just gets it done without fuss, brag or anything. He is great.

Its the little things that are important. I sure appreciate them.

Counting our blessings...

2008-11-22T21:00:00.004-05:00

We have so much to be thankful for. Health, family, life in the greatest country and the opportunity for our kids to do whatever they want with their lives.

A friend's wife is undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. This is such traumatic event. Not only are you battling for your life but the very medicine that you take to save your life has such awful side effects, not the least of which is loss of hair. For me, that is not a big deal but I have 2 daughters and a wife and I know that would be a big thing for them.

I keep in touch with my friend, let him know we are praying for both of them, that they are loved and cared about. They have a good support group in California but it does not hurt to have help on both coasts.

My daughter and I went shopping today for a hat for his wife. We found one we liked in Macy's at the mall. I virtually never go to the mall and avoid it like the plague but today I gladly went to help a friend in need.

She knows it is coming and is excited about it. I hope she likes it and expect she likes the support and that some one cares enough to do this. I know I would.

Reaching out is so easy and so hard. I've been unfortunate to know too many people to die from this disease and too many others to have it and have to have very severe surgery. I hate this disease and the impact it has on not just the women but on their families.

I'm not writing this to brag about what I've done. In fact I thought long and hard about not writing it but I want others to know that reaching out is important and doesn't require anything heroic. Often a phone call or an IM message on a regular basis is enough. Letting people know they are not alone and that you care and praying for them is enough.

Sharing this with my daughter was important to me. It was just one of the many things we did today together and I hope it made the most impact. I want her to be able to reach out to others, too. In this human race we are all in it together. Ben Franklin, during the revolutionary war said: "Either we hang together or most assuredly we will hang separately". Life is like that too.

3 days and counting...

2008-11-21T14:56:00.001-05:00

This is the "pack'er up" weekend. My daughter closes on her home Monday. I am getting more and more nervous about her moving out. I know she will be fine but that Dad, over protective, gotta take care of my baby thing is kicking in hard.

I'll figure out how to deal with it, I think.

Helping hand needed...

2008-11-21T09:13:00.002-05:00

I am trying to help a dog at a vet’s office in Brevard (a pure bred Australian cattle dog) who’s 17 year old owner was killed in a car crash and who’s family didn’t want the dog and just moved away. There are 2 families in the NJ/NY area that would love to adopt it but getting the dog to them is a problem. Anyone going North for Thanksgiving? If you are and wouldn't mind another traveler it would help provide an awesome home for a dog. If you are interested in adopting the dog please contact me! He needs you.

Thanksgiving...

2008-11-20T10:14:00.003-05:00

I love Thanksgiving. There is something simple about it that we've not screwed up, yet. No presents, just a time to get together and eat and hopefully give thanks for all the past year. I like this tradition and find it interesting that Americans celebrate it, especially given the circumstances. A group of people that were not welcome in their country of birth took a hazardous journey that no sane person would take today. They lived a hard life and then held a celebration of all their blessings and invited new friends they'd made in the new land.

Thanksgiving for us is not quite that historical but my family does celebrate it in some ways. We open the meal to all that want to join. We call it "extended family" and includes people to whom we are not even blood related but are important to us and who we consider family. We are blessed with plenty to eat and love to share it. The more we have around the table the better! My sister hosts Thanksgiving dinner and I host Christmas dinner and we have as many as 20+ people there, depending on who is in town, etc. We love it and it reminds us of all the blessings of the year.

We all look forward to seeing each other, spending time together and sharing not just food but some of ourselves. We put aside differences of opinion on all kinds of subjects and just enjoy the day.

I hope you are able to enjoy the day with family, friends and neighbors. If not, join us! We always have room for more.

Tripping down memory lane...

2008-11-20T00:00:00.003-05:00

Tonight was father daughter date night. I had dinner with my college girl. I enjoy visiting with her. It is always low key and fun. She wanted to go to T K Tripps which is near where she goes to college. We could have gone any where but she likes things simple.

We talk about all sorts of stuff. Family, events, memories, ideas, news and whatever comes up. She also listens when I want to offer some advice and is willing to discuss it with me. I don't push and she doesn't get defensive. She's willing to listen and we have a pleasant time. She got tickled talking about some of the things we've all done. She said one of her favorites that causes endless amusement was shopping for college last year. She was going to be taking some gym classes so we had to get new shoes, etc. We were in Dick's sporting goods and she needed a sports bra. I think she likes to embarrass me by doing this. She could not find one she liked and had me ask for help. So, here I am asking a FEMALE store employee where to find sports bras! At the moment I was focused on helping her and did not see the humor in it. Now I get a little red when she brings it up. She loves telling that story!

I enjoy the relaxed evenings but tonight was different, too. We've been to T K Tripps before, once last year. This time I shared with her the memories I have of her mother and I eating at the T K Tripps in Greensboro. Going there was a special event for us. We were just out of college, not a lot of money and eating out was not an every day event. It was neat and a fun place to go and hang out for a couple hours and do something different.

Having done that many years ago it was fun to sort of re-live those memories by going there with my daughter. She didn't just listen but eagerly encouraged me to share my memories, which was fun. She likes knowing family history, what her parents and grandparents did. If she's like me it gives her a connection to something bigger, something permanent in a world of change.

It was fun talking with her. I always come away feeling better, recharged and happy. My kids do that to me. Somehow in the many conversations I not only agreed she should go shopping for clothes but that I'd take her! She's sneaky that one is! And she made it seem like my idea. But this time I am not helping with sports bras!

Knives!

2008-11-19T12:57:00.002-05:00

New West Knifeworks is sponsoring a contest to give away a Phoenix or Fusionwood knife. One of the ways to win is to blog about the knives and contest. I'm new to these knives and want to win one to share with you what I think about them.
Sorry for the shameless self centeredness but I want the knife!

Support a craftsperson...

2008-11-17T09:15:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving weekend is for more than loosening the belt and lounging on the couch. Head out to the State Fairgrounds starting Friday night at 6 and check out what people are making. All sorts of crafts will be available including pottery! Jen Mecca will be there. I follow her blog and am heading to her booth to get a butter dish! Seriously, she makes great pots and I want a butter dish for my european style butter. Come on out!

Carolina Designer Craftsmen
39th Fine Craft and Design Show

EXPOSITION CENTER
North Carolina State Fairgrounds
1025 Blue Ridge Road
Raleigh, North Carolina

Friday, Nov. 28, 6pm-9pm
Saturday, Nov. 29, 10am-6pm
Sunday, Nov. 30, 11am-5pm
$7 Daily Admission
$10 Weekend Pass
Children under 12 Free

BBQ, Families and Diamonds..

2008-11-16T21:11:00.004-05:00

Now, I'm not Dennis Rogers but I know a thing or two about 'que. Oh yeah, a regular aficionado of finely crafted, chopped, sauced and served 'que. I cook my own and trash others with the best of them!

My wife's brother and his wife invited us over for dinner! Miracles do happen. First time we've been invited for dinner (hint, hint...I'll travel for free food!) and we had a chance to meet her parents. They are good folks and I enjoyed meeting them. It was fun, good food and lots of deserts. They served chicken, BBQ and all the fixin's for dinner. The 'que was from a local chain, which is a family favorite. My girls got through high school hitting the one close to school for lunch almost daily. The car makes an auto turn in there when we drive near one.

Now, being an aficionado of the art and soul of 'que I tend to turn my nose up at the swill from this chain. I act holier than thou about it, act as if it might ruin my highly refined sense of taste and epicurean development. I treat the place as if it was just above a body dump. But I hit that stuff today like a crack addict in a police evidence room. I was all over it and went back for seconds! I think I blew my cover but man I needed a 'que fix and did I get one! It was good. Now, it isn't King's in Kinston or Moore's in New Bern or Alan and Son in Chapel Hill or even my favorite place on a back street in Goldsboro where no two chairs match. But it was good and when a man needs a 'que fix he can't be picky about his source! And this was not anything to be picky over it was just good!

Many thanks to S&B for the invite and the fine victuals and mostly for the fine company. It was good to see B's sister and to meet her parents. Good folks even if they hail from Arkansas. You take the good with the bad and move on. Think I'm wrong? OK, bub, let me tell what the big discussion was about. B's mother's sister (B's Aunt) passed away recently and was cremated. They want to turn part of the ashes into a diamond! No, seriously. There are companies that take the ashes, reduce them to carbon, turn that into graphite and then put it under heat and pressure to make a diamond AND PEOPLE WEAR THEM!

Instead of "laying people to rest" we are now "laying them to wash our hands". Instead of wearing our feelings on our sleeves we are wearing our loved ones on our finger!

Needless to say, we had fun with this over dinner. Think I'm kidding, check out LifeGem.com . I don't make this up!

Thanks again for the food. I think my wife left her mother on the sink in the bathroom!

Awesome...

2008-11-15T09:42:00.002-05:00

My boy is amazing! He is taking the study requirements very seriously. He was in his room making note cards for 2.5 hours last night! He came and asked for more note cards and told me he was hard at it. I checked on him a little later and he was bent over the desk make notes.

I am so proud of him. He is set on bringing those grades up. He came in about 9:30 and announced we needed to watch Stargate: Atlantis. We watch it every week together. We both look forward to it. We usually share a box of hot wings from KFC but we just chilled tonight. What a great time to just hang out with my son.

I'm heading down stairs for coffee. I hope one of my wonderful daughters put it on last night before going to bed! If not, fodder for another post!

Kids...

2008-11-14T09:23:00.003-05:00

I love being a parent. I love teaching my kids things and sharing the world with them. I've watched them grow into dependable adults that I think have good heads on their shoulders. Yet, there is still work to do. The high schooler is faltering a little. His grades have been solid A's and B's until now. This report card has an F and a D as well as a C. Grades have never, ever been a focus for me. What I focus on is what are you capable of, are you doing everything you can, have you put forth the extra effort and have you asked for help. He has done NONE of these things. The F is a result of just not turning in work. How do you do that? How do you not turn in work. (Can you detect the frustration?) The D is in Spanish which he likes...again, not asking for help and not studying.

He is a great kid, he is smart and he really is considerate of others. Cracking down on him has always been the hardest of the three but no more mister nice guy. He's dug a hole so he has to get out of it. He is on a very restricted schedule that is all study time. He's squandered his free time so now it is time to pay the price.

He and I will get through this. I view it as another opportunity to teach. He'll learn lessons on staying focused, getting work done and the value of studying. He took the classes a little to lightly and my job is to help him realize how important they are. He's taking this as I expected him to. He knows he screwed up and is accepting the price he has to pay.

I love him so much it hurts. We never want our kids to learn hard lessons but if we look back at our pasts we see those were the ones we learned best. His heart is pure and he is a great kid. I am proud to call him my son and my boy. He'll get through this and he'll be stronger for it. I am proud of the man he is growing up to be. I hope he knows that I love him and am only doing this because I love him and want only the best for him. I think he does.

But he still has to rake the leaves!

Friendship Pie...

2008-11-13T08:05:00.003-05:00

Dinner with Mike and Mona (and Sara) is always a great event but tonight (not sure when this will get posted so it was on the 12th) was awesome! They always make me feel like I am so loved and dear to them. They took us to a new place called Bella Ristorante Italiana something. If you are familiar with Raleigh it is on Durant Road tucked out of the way. We could not hardly find it. Now, Mona is not known for always picking a great place and I am dubious of trying something new she recommends. But I figured Mike had previewed it so I decided what the heck. Give it a try.

Wow! What a great place. We had pizza pie. Seriously, PIE! Crust on top and bottom and fillings to die for. This things was at least 18" across and at least an inch thick or more with toppings. The crust was very thin and perfect. I had 1.5 slices and was stuffed! It is huge! We split a bottle of wine for the table and just had a great meal. There is nothing like eating with friends. I laughed, I bellowed and I even talked to the staff! We had so much fun. Everyone was so engaged because we dearly care for each other.

This made me realize how lucky I am. Good friends are a treasure and should not be taken for granted. I was out with friends and family having a good time. That is what life is all about. We'll go back there and every time we do I'll remember this night.

Oh, and they gave me a bottle of wine for my birthday! Can't wait to try it, too. I'm sure I'll think of pie we shared with friends when I do.

Blogging or "you don't know who reads!"

2008-11-12T17:21:00.002-05:00

Just got a voice mail from my sister-in-law. She is the ultimate perky blond (but very smart). I know this is coming off bad so let me say, it shouldn't and is not meant to! She is just always up beat whenever she calls or we see her (which is way too little). She wished me a belated birthday. That was so nice! I like being remembered. A day late is no big deal. We all get busy, travel (she was out of town and heading out again), have kids, jobs, etc. Missing a birthday (as old as I am) is not a big deal. Now, for a kid it is a big deal but us old fuddy duddy's, heck we just like being remembered at all. Thanks B for the call! Travel safe!

My sister also called this morning. She was wired up, too. She wished me a happy birthday today, too. It was good to hear from her, get caught up on family stuff going on. My niece is doing well since the robbery. The place she works is making changes, which is good. Her husband is taking off work to walk her to her car, too and then going back to work. I think it is great that they let him do that! Visit CookOut and thank them for doing this! Great food there, too but for them to do this is huge! I am now a permanent fan (I already liked their food)! I am impressed that he is doing this. I don't know him well but always liked him when I met him. Taking care of my niece is BIG with me!

I don't mention names of people or places too much. Not what this is about. If you know me and my family, no need to and if you don't it will not matter! I just don't want to make people uncomfortable. I do like to mention places I like so the mention above is GOOD!

I am going to meet a friend for a beer tonight. We'll have some food, catch up on work and family and just hang out. I've known her for a gazillion years, worked with her for a long time and we keep in touch. I adore her family. Her husband, Mike, is easily one of the smartest people I know. He can do ANYTHING! I mean, most of us guys like to think we are handy, right? We can drive a nail, hang a picture, replace a light build and maybe, just maybe replace a faucet, put in a new electrical outlet or a new breaker in the panel box. But Mike can re-wire a boat! No joke! They bought a boat and he decided the wiring needed some "work" and proceeded to re-wire the whole thing! He so rocks. He can do anything with carpentry and he is a genius at furniture repair, too. If you need furniture fixed let me know and I'll give his contact info. He is also very funny and cracks me up all the time. I'm not known for listening but I listen to everything he says. His wife is a dear friend, too. She puts up with my complaining and venting. We all need friends like that!

Busy day at work. Lots of calls. Just that time of year and we are working on a plan for the next release of the software. That involves a lot of discussions, planning, give-and-take and decisions. We've just started but I like the process. I always learn so much! The poor developers/engineering staff just don't know how to take me sometimes.

Well, I need to get my head in a cookbook and plan some meals so I can use my new pans, bowls and tools!

Anyway, before I go, my Sister-in-Law told me she reads my blog! How cool. She's never left a comment and I was not aware she reads it! She says she loves it because she can keep up with what is going on in the family while running around all over. I had no idea! See, we don't always know who is looking! Thanks B for letting me know. I don't know if the family reads it much or not. I was thinking of stopping the blog but I do it for me and now at least B reads it, too! I'll see her Sunday and I'll thank her again. She is excited about my daughter getting her own place. She is on the invite list to the house warming!

TTFN.

Birt-to-me!

2008-11-11T18:25:00.003-05:00

Today is my birthday. This is the 51st anniversary of my birth. Wow, has a lot changed. When I was born Eisenhower was President, the WAR was only about 10 years over and cars were still a luxury in many homes and phones were party lines in a lot of places. People still used out houses and planes were not jets. Interstate highways were still getting started and Sputnik was big news. Men never were in the room with wives during child birth. If you wanted help calculating you used a slide rule (yes, I learned to use one). And contrary to what people think, they were teaching History in school then.

I've been fortunate to see tremendous change. Cars, jets, space travel and landings on the moon and mars, computers, cell phones, GPS devices, internet, and HD television. It is amazing to me what advances we've made. My Dad went through similar changes as he grew older. He was born in 1906 and died in 1990. Horse and buggy to the space shuttle!

My family is downstairs waiting to take me to dinner. They have presents for me (some from Williams-Sonoma!!) and they cooked me breakfast this morning, too. We like birthdays around here. I've gotten hugs from all of them today and big "Happy Birthday" greetings as well. I know I am loved.

I've opened the great presents: new calphalon pans, new mixing bowls, a new paring knife, new cook book, wine, a cool spatula thing, etc. They knew exactly what to get me! We all went out to dinner at Winston's (our family's favorite) and then came home for cake...chocolate with pecans! My favorite. What a great, great, wonderful day. easily one of the best ever.

But today is not my favorite birthday. Don't get me wrong, I love today and its been perfect. But there are three birthdays that were easily better, much better, will always be better. Those were the three birthday's I shared with my wife. They are my favorite. Watching those 3 ugly, slimy, motley, screaming beautiful kids arrive will always be my favorite days. Talk about great birthday presents, they sure are!

I count my presents everyday...the three birthday presents I got are the best ever.

I know it all...

2008-11-11T17:07:00.002-05:00

“Only the PBM’s will be audited under Medicare part d. We just don’t see any reason to worry about full compliance planning.” Anonymous VP of Managed Care at Top 100 Pharmaceutical firm.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented" - Charles H. Duell, Director U.S. Patents Office, 1899.

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers" - Thomas Watson, IBM president, 1943.

"Television won't last because people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night" - producer Darryl Zanuck, Twentieth-Century Fox, 1946.

"You ain't going nowhere, son. You ought to go back to driving a truck" - Grand Ole Opry's Jim Denny to Elvis Presley, 1954.

"There is no need for any individual to have a computer in their home" - Ken Olson, president of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977.

"640k ought to be enough for anybody" - Microsoft founder Bill Gates, 1981, whose computers now offer more than 500 times that much space for electronic memory.

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons" - --Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" - H. M. Warner (1881-1958), co-founder, Warner Brothers Pictures, 1927

" We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." - Decca Recording Co., rejecting the Beatles, 1962

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible." -- A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"But what ... is it good for?" --Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." --Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." --Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

"$100 million dollars is way too much to pay for Microsoft." -- IBM, 1982

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out a year." —The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." —Western Union internal memo, 1876

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." —Response to Debbie Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields Cookies

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" —Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempt to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools." —New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work, 1921

"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training." —Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." —Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." —Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will be forever shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." —Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria, 1873

"The phonograph is not of any commercial value." —Thomas Edison, 1880

"Flight by machines heavier than air is unpractical and insignificant, if not utterly impossible." —Simon Newcomb, astronomer, 1902

"Sensible and responsible women do not want to vote." —Grover Cleveland, 1905

"It is an idle dream to imagine that automobiles will take the place of railways in the long distance movement of passengers." —American Road Congress, 1913

"There is no likelihood that man can ever tap the power of the atom." —Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize winner in physics, 1920

"Babe Ruth made a big mistake when he gave up pitching." —Tris Speaker, 1921

"The odds are that the United States will not be able to honor the 1970 manned lunar landing date set by President Kennedy " —New Science Magazine, 1964

Taking things for granted...

2008-11-08T18:15:00.003-05:00

All too often we don't appreciate what we have. Things, precious things need to be recognized and appreciated and not, no not, no never, not ever taken for granted. We should covet them for the treasures they are.

Last night my niece was almost killed. Where she works was robbed and she and the other employees were roughed up really well and had guns held to their heads and threatened to be killed if they did not open the safe. It all turned out well in the end but it was very traumatic both physically and mentally. We don't need to take life, our safety or our families for granted.

I am in DE this weekend with friends. No, not just friends, dear, dear friends that I love like family. We all live in different parts of the country but met through work and decided to make a concerted effort to not let the friendship lapse. We email each other, we keep up with each other's family, we spend vacation time to get when possible and each November we get together for a weekend. This is that weekend. It starts with lunch on Friday, wine tasting party Friday night, breakfast and cooking all day Saturday and a huge gourmet meal Saturday night. We've been at it most of the day today and as we close in on dinner we were treated to a surprise. John and MJ are sharing a bottle of Opus One with us. This is a GREAT wine and runs about $250 per bottle! We drink a lot of wine over the weekend and hit John's cellar often. He and MJ are incredibly gracious hosts and treat us like royalty! But, to share this is way beyond anything anyone should do. When I told him he should not do this he looked at me and said "good wine needs to be shared with good friends." I did not know what to say but Thanks!

John is right. We are who we are and who we know and spend time with. We've been coming here for 10 years and we all look forward to it each year. It is a special time for us all. We reminisce about the times we've shared, family and family events and things that are going on in our lives. We share the latest news, show pictures around and talk about triumphs and tragedies. We are getting older, some are younger than others, some older but we are all facing or have faced the same things...kids growing up, parents getting older, parents passing on, parents being sick and we encourage each other through it all.

When I was going through a bad time with my Mom before she died they were there to bring me that special smile and memory that can only come through friends. I love these people, I love their families and spending time with them is always important to me.

Sharing is important, sharing your success and seeing happiness for you in their eyes, sharing failures and seeing love and support in those same eyes. Sharing concerns and seeing prayer and concern in those eyes. That is what friendship is about, the "spirited inspiration that comes from someone that knows you, trusts you and cares about you." We've been fortunate to be loved by these people and this weekend is as much a celebration of that as it is fun to get together. I treasure these memories and I'll carry them with me all year and I'll look forward to making more next year.

And the wine doesn't hurt either!

Glassy water...

2008-11-07T09:35:00.003-05:00

Today is a gorgeous day in DC. I'm staying along the Potomac River and the water was as smooth as glass this morning. Not cold, about 60 degrees and sunny. What a wonderful sight. Now, if we had some cherry blossoms it would feel like spring.

I love DC. What a great place to visit. There area gazillion museums, all kind of government buildings, the Mint, the Constitution, the Monuments and they are all FREE to see and visit! I don't mind my tax dollars going toward this. This is a celebration of who we are and what we want as a nation. We have a strong sense of self and a solid foundation in where we are going. Washington helps celebrate that and helps us to not forget it.

I love visiting here. I just wish I had some time this trip to visit a museum or two. I've done that with my daughters more than once and my son. We've always had a great time here. Lots of good memories.

Time to bring them back and make some more!

Maitre d'Fromage...

2008-11-06T21:30:00.002-05:00

What a wonderful conversation tonight! Wow! While having dinner with a customer and friend we had a chance to talk to the Cheese Master at the steak house where we had dinner. They offer an impressive assortment of atisanal cheeses and her knowledge was staggering! She is just 30 years old but what a love of cheese and such expertise. It was great to hear her passion for her subject (and the tasting was awesome, too!) and afterward she stopped by to talk about her travels, experiences and how she came to be there.

Turns out she was an international studies major in college and just happened onto the study of cheeses. There are no classes it is all self taught! In talking with her I asked who filled in for her when she was not working and she said she is looking for a full time assistant but it is hard to find someone interested in learning about cheeses. Sounds like the perfect job to me!

I asked if she'd be willing to teach a college student about cheeses during the summer and she gushed at the chance. She gave me her card and asked me to please have my daughter call her. She'd give her a job for the summer and help her find a place to stay in DC! What a great opportunity! You can learn about cheese, where they come from, the areas, topography and the makers. Way cool! Sound great for an international studies major.

Anybody know one? Hint, hint!

Time with friends...

2008-11-05T16:59:00.003-05:00

This coming weekend is one of my favorite all year. I look forward to it almost like Christmas. We are going to Wilmington, DE (that's right, DE not NC) to spend the weekend with friends.

We do this every year and it is wonderful! There are 4 couples and we eat, drink, laugh, cut up and have a blast. One couple from NC (me!), one couple from OH (Jeeeullll), one couple from north of Philadelphia (Chloe) and the couple in DE (John).

The interesting thing is how we all met. The 4 of us (not spouses) met at an industry function and became business travel friends. Now business travel friends are buddies you see when you travel, enjoy spending time with and don't really see each other besides then. Well, we spent a lot of time together over the years and then spouse joined for some of the trips, we called each other, email came around and we actually planned business trips around who was attending! John asked if we wanted to come to their house for the weekend for a wine tasting that is held each year. We adored each other and suddenly we were going to visit for the weekend!

We've been doing it now for about 10 years (or so) and always have a great time. We start with lunch on Friday, great appetizers before the tasting, the tasting and then come home for more. The rest of the weekend is spent food shopping, cooking and eating and drinking some wine. We laugh, follow football games, take pictures, pick on each other and just bask in the glow of utter civility.

It is a time where we can be ourselves and relax. No responsibilities, no worries. Just good food, good drink and very dear friends. We all need times like that. Work and daily lives can take up all our time. We need to step back from that and recharge. I'm plugging in this weekend for my charge.

Somewhere, I am sure the local Pizza Hut delivery is gearing up for the second busiest weekend they have each year (after the super bowl). My kids are home fending for themselves and I suspect they'll call delivery for all their needs.

I think I am getting a cramp in my wallet already!

Ultimate sacrifices...

2008-11-05T16:47:00.003-05:00

I am in DC today for a meeting. I flew in today and could not see much but got a glimpse of Arlington National Cemetery. I remember the first time I went there. I was about 7-8 years old. It was winter, snow on the ground and it was cold. My Dad took me there to see the grave of President Kennedy. I was impressed with the eternal flame and mostly the number of people there even on a cold, snowy day. The death of President Kennedy is one of my earliest memories. My Dad shared everything about it with me and he kept me home from school for the funeral. I still remember the horse with the boots backwards in the stirrups.

I've been to Arlington several times since then and every time I've visited the grave and thought about that cold day and how my Dad made sure I experienced history. I don't remember Kennedy running for office, I wish I did. But I've read a lot about it and him and I think Obama has captured some of that youthful spark that Kennedy's campaign had. I hope so. It was a promising time for our country but little did we know the things we'd have to go through...his death, his brother's death, civil rights marches and riots, the death of Martin Luther King, Vietnam and eventually Watergate. All those times were awful for our country but we got through them and I think we learned valuable lessons.

I've tried to do the same with my children that my Dad did with me. Make sure they experience history. When some historic is happening I make sure they stop, watch it on TV, understand it, talk to them about it and get them to at least understand what is happening. I never force hours of it on them, or bore them with it. Whether it was Tiger Woods historic 4 majors in a row, landing on Mars and the first pictures, etc. I've tried to make sure they stopped and experienced the moment. Watching history helps us understand we are part of it and the more we do it the more likely we are to understand it when it happens to us.

Seeing Arlington National today, even if only a glimpse from the air, brought back great memories for me.

History in the making...

2008-11-05T13:53:00.003-05:00

I've learned over the years that we should pay attention to things around us. History is made or historical things happen all the time. Today is one of those times.

I did not vote for President-elect Obama. I did not like his stand on abortion and gun control. Those are personal things with me. I also was concerned about his experience and lack of "testing". I voted for John McCain who has been a favorite of mine. I like who he is and what he has given to this country.

That said, I am proud of my new President-elect. Yes, he is MY President-elect and he will be MY president in a few short days. I'll support him, I blame him, I'll whine about him, I praise him, I'll revile him and I'll revere him...just like we do with ALL our Presidents. It is our duty, our responsibility and our privilege as Americans.

My kids feel the same way and are excited about the new President. OUR new President. He will do a fine job. The threshold is low to do a good job but even if it weren't he'd do well.

I've heard the pundits claim that the Republican Party is in trouble. Didn't we hear the same thing when Reagan was elected about the Democrats. Americans look to the leader and his party to solve problems. Things cycle around. I'm excited about the future.

Oh, yeah the election of Obama was historical. No question. But history was also made today when my daugther's offer on a house was accepted by the seller! She is going to be a home owner! The American Dream lives on and we get a room back in our house! Let's support OUR President and if anyone has time in late November, support us moving our daughter into her new house!

I love this country!

How we choose to vote...

2008-11-04T19:13:00.002-05:00

I just got back from voting with my oldest daughter. What great experiences...voting with your kids. Gosh I love it and love this country! We are so lucky to live here. We get to choose what we want, what we do and who we become. We get to talk about, complain about and trash talk our leaders. It is not just a right it is an obligation, it is our heritage.

In watching my daughters vote today I got a glimpse of how we all make decisions. My middle child was marking her ballot at the table with her Mom and I. We were talking about the candidates, who we were voting for and why. My daughter marked her ballot different than I on one particular person and I asked why. She said that her last name was the last name of her dorm so she thought it was as good a reason as any! I cracked up in the precinct and bellowed out a laugh! What a hoot!

I'm telling you, the only thing I love more than this country are my kids!

Milestones and some hilarity...

2008-11-04T15:37:00.008-05:00

I voted with my youngest daughter today. It was her first time and it was great. I took my son along since he'll be voting next time, too. It brought back a lot of memories. I used to go vote with my Dad all the time. He was real big on voting and he shared that with me. I take it serious and have encouraged my brood to vote, too. My wife went along with us, too. My oldest will go after work. 4 for 4 in our family!

Today was also a chance for more memories...my daughter seems to be about to buy her own home! What a great experience! She had made an offer on another place but it fell through. She found another place that she actually likes much better and is awesome. The buyer has accepted the offer but still needs to sign the documents, which are on the way! I remember when my wife and I bought our first house. What an experience. It seems so very long ago (wait, it was a long time ago!) and before any kids. I hope it all works out for her. She's worked pretty hard on this and has dotted all the i's and crossed the t's.

A friend sent me an email with this on it. It reminded me so much of my Dad that memories just flooded over me. I laughed and cried at the same time. This is pretty much what my Dad would have done! I miss him but appreciate all he shared with me. Enjoy this as much as I did!

Dad at the Mall

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.
'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

Now, seriously, does it matter who won the vote today?

VOTE TODAY!

2008-11-04T09:12:00.004-05:00

Today is the day! Go vote. Remember less than 550 votes decided the 2000 election! Yours can matter. Besides, we get regular commercials back starting tomorrow!

When I was in high school I wanted to attend the electoral college. I hear they held classes only every 4 years!

Sign made by McCain supporter: "I'll keep my freedom, my guns, and my money.... You can keep your Change!"

Did I mention I dreamed about Palin the other night? No, not that kind of dream...I dreamed her family visited ours and we just talked.

All the best to all the candidates!

Now this is a good idea....

2008-11-03T22:08:00.003-05:00

I saw this in the news:

CHATHAM COUNTY, N.C. - Pittsboro artists raised money for the local food pantry by selling empty bowls.

I think this is a great idea! I could get behind this. I don't make pots but I'd be glad to help with the work.

Jealousy, envy, and covetous neighbors...

2008-11-02T08:14:00.002-05:00

We used to be THE NEIGHBORS that everybody in our community talked about. WE decorated the most for holidays, WE had the biggest, baddest, brightest decorations. Although always tastefully done.

We have neighbors that used to come and just stand in the street in front of the house to look at the decorations and stare at the tree through our living room windows. Now, granted, we had a 13 foot, fresh cut, frasier fur fully decorated with about 6-10 thousand lights in our window. The window is 10 feet wide and the tree spread out the whole 10 feet and literally reached to the ceiling. To get it out I had to take a chainsaw and cut it into 3 pieces and muscle it through the door. The outside was decorated with a gazillion lights, shapes, blow ups, etc. Yeah, we had fun!

Then a couple of years ago "new" neighbors moved in across the street. They gobbed up their yard with all kinds of decorations. Not "tasteful" stuff like we have but gaudy stuff. And just as my wife and I decided to go from 13 feet of fresh cut frasier fur to a modest 10 foot artificial tree with lights already on it. (Greatest thing we ever did! I was too old to climb the ladder.)

Well, a "cold" war erupted with the neighbors. They went for quantity and we went for quality. Each giving the eager public choices.

Now, it is taking on a whole new dimension...Decoration Wars-The Next Generation! Oh yeah, I'm taking the gloves off with my new secret weapon. My kids!

The kids decided the burning cauldron, blow up frankie, strobe cat, myriad of lighted pumpkins, skeletons, signs, tombstones, etc. were not enough. Oh no! They "upped the ante" this year. They built a crime scene in the drive way. Yup! Chalk outline, crime scene tape, fake blood stains on the concrete, bloody saw, hammer and then bloody hands on the door of the house! Way cool and lit by flashlights just lying on the ground!

I was sitting out front with the bucket of full size candy bars waiting for the ankle biters to come begging for candy and who comes along? THE NEIGHBOR and his brood. OK, we did not have all the gobs of stuff he did, but we went for quality. Still, it is a unsteady truce we have. As he walked up it hit him! He was envious of the crime scene! Oh, he stopped, stared, looked at me, looked at it and grinned. When he came over with the kids he said "nice crime scene, definitely stepped it up to a new level, huh?" He looked at his wife and told her next year, he had new plans!

I grinned, gave the crumb snatching linoleum lizards their free candy and watched Mr. Envy walk away.

Oh yeah, I and my next generation minions have still got it! Oh, and next year...well, let's just say that Team BigAl is already planning surprises. God, I love having kids!

Making memories...

2008-10-31T11:44:00.004-04:00

This summer we took the family to Florida. My middle child had never "done Disney" so to keep her from being scarred for life we all trouped down. We met some friends from Ohio and we had a ball. I did learn one thing: I don't need to go to scheme parks with my kids now that they are 23, 19 and 15! Mint juleps on the veranda at the hotel for me, or at the very least a massage!

While at Disney, we were waiting at a place to eat lunch and a street band came by to do a skit that involves visitors to Disney. Well, they asked me to be the king in this skit. Now, I've always had the attitude that if you are going to do something, go all the way. Don't hold back. Enjoy it and make the most of it. Well, I totally got into the part, hammed it up with the real actors and we all had a ball. The actors really enjoyed it and thought it was super! The audience seemed to enjoy it.

I was thinking the whole time that my kids would think I was a dork and might be embarrassed. Far from it. They said it was the hit of the trip and talk about it regularly. They've asked me how I came up with the comments, how I could make it so fun and real. I tell them it is about doing everything you can with what you have and not "mailing it in". I was hoping it would be fun for them and build a memory.

Last night my college girl called and was laughing hysterically! In class that day she was asked to do a skit and got the "lead" part. She remembered me at Disney and decided to really get into the part, have some fun, and go for it. She was already wearing vampire teeth to celebrate Halloween early and it only added to the part. She told me I was her inspiration and just "going for it" was so much fun. She said the class had a ball.

Now she has a memory of her own and she can pass this down to the next generation! I guess we are just unrequited actors!

Memories....

2008-10-28T23:09:00.003-04:00

I talk a lot about memories. Memories I have, memories of my kids, memories of my youth. I try to hang onto them because they are the key to our learning. I've tried to learn as I go along. One thing I learned early is that don't just look at the past, embrace the future. You have to do that with memories. If you are so busy enjoying the ones you have you'll not make new ones to have for the future. So, think of like like driving. The rear view mirror is small compared to the windshield. Memories should be like that. We need the ability to look back but what is coming is so very important, too.

I hope to talk about making memories in the coming posts. I think they are important. I hope I get to share with you my rule that we all need to live a country song moment and that we need to "walk between the drops". More on those rules later.

For now, here is my thought. A dinner tomorrow serve desert first, then the meal. It will keep them wondering for a long time. Talk about making a memory!

Moving out...

2008-10-28T22:56:00.003-04:00

It has been an interesting 4 days...lots going on. My oldest is looking to buy a house. A condo to be specific. She's looked at a bunch and has settled on one that is not too far away. Not sure if it will work out since it needs some work before she will buy it. We will see.

This is pretty tough to think about for me. She is my baby girl and I've watched her grow up. She is ready and I am very confident she will do great but it still is tough. Very tough. I anguish over it a lot.

I remember when I moved out. Not quite as traumatic since I did it right after college, never moving back home. I got married right away, too. Hard to believe that was 28 years ago already.

The condo she wants is very much like our first apartment! Wow! It brought back a lot of memories just walking through it. The new town, the non-existent furniture, the things we did not know. Ouch! So much to learn. But, we figured it all out and I'm sure she will, too. I'm enjoying talking to her and getting to work with her on it. She is doing all the work but we are there to help her, answer questions she has, explain things to her, tell her things to watch out for, etc.

Saturday was band competition day. My son's marching band hosted a competition. It was a long day and while helping out I got my shoulder hurting again. Chewing Vicodin again. I went to PT today. Getting old has its good times and its bad.

I was in NY yesterday. Business travel. Great trip up on a 6:00 AM flight. Nice, smooth and on time. Coming home was another matter. We left on time and technically got home on time but it took 20 minutes longer than it should (no reason given) and it was VERY bumpy. I don't like flying on a good day and I really don't like bumps. Plus my shoulder was hurting so it was not a good flight.

Let's see, daughter making an offer on a house, shoulder hurting really bad and a bumpy flight...I said getting old has its good times and bad...where are the good?

Memories in a cellophane wrapper...

2008-10-24T04:01:00.000-04:00

I love candy apples. I've eaten so many that I think of them as a fruit. I don't like the caramel apples, I don't like the ones rolled in nuts. I am a traditionalist. Bright red candy around an apple! I've watched these made so many times in big copper kettles and I've even made them at home.

I love the sticky candy around my mouth as I eat them. Being a Carnie as a kid was special and candy apples were a big part of that. I got them free since I was "with the fair" and knew the people that made them. Usually they'd make me one with a little bit thicker dip of the candy coating. Add to that some salty popcorn and voila! you have the perfect salt/sweet snack!

I know it is tough on the teeth and every visit to my dentist I think of it when he is checking an old filling. But, it was worth it.

If you notice the wrapper, it does not have a lot of red candy stuck to it. That is key. A good apple will not leave a lot of candy. That means the candy was a the right temp when applied to the apple.

Also, the round stick is very important. I guess that is why I don't like the store packages for making at home. A flat stick just does not work!

I've made forts with these sticks and played with them for hours! Ahhhh, the joys of simple things.

Amazing what a little fruit and candy can do for you! Food for the soul.

A fair pot...

2008-10-24T04:00:00.000-04:00

While at the fair last night I visited the NC Pottery Expo tent. For my potter bloggers here are some pics:

Sorry about the quality. I used the phone on the blackberry! I have about 30 total. If anyone is interested just let me know and I'll send them to you or post on snapfish.

It was interesting seeing the pots all together from different artists. Some amazing stuff. Jen, I didn't see any butter dishes. There is an obvious shortage of those. Can't wait to see yours. Ron, they had some great mugs but not like yours! Elaine, no pots that looked barrel fired either. I did like the bowl with the chop sticks. it has cut outs to hold the sticks on the side. I hope you can see them. Becky, no one was using mugs while making music. I guess they don't have the imagination going.

Why am I interested in pottery? I've always wanted to throw a pot. Just one of those things. I love to learn and have a long list of things I want to do and have tried. Cooking is one of those passions I've grabbed hold of. It is fun. Maybe that is why I like pots so much. They are useful items for cooking and eating. My Dad cooked and actually owned a restaurant. He cooked all the time and it was special to me. He loved seafood, all kinds of seafood. When I cook I think of him and when I cook his recipes, especially for clam chowder, it brings back many memories. I always talk to the kids when I'm cooking and I share those memories and the recipes. I can see them doing the same thing one day, sharing with their kids and talking about my Dad.

My Dad's father was a master carpenter and built some incredible things in New Bern, NC. Dad learned the trade from him but never became a practicing carpenter. He decided other things interested him more. I learned some of the carpentry skills from my Dad and picked up a few of my own. There is something great about working with wood. I love it. The world dissolves away and nothing matters. I've not had the time to get back to it for a while but it still calls. I like the things I've built and we use many of them still. Others are stored away for the grand kids to use, like the half loft bed I built for my son. He loved it until he got just too big for it. Now it is waiting for him to pass down. With memories built in. He'll share why this nick is here and why this nail hole is there and why it is built the way it is. I look forward to setting it up with him one day.

I'm thinking of taking pottery classes. No, I don't intend to change professions but I like using my hands to make things. It is satisfying in a tangible way. Many times I don't have a specific object that I can point to and say: "I built that".

Besides, I need some jars to hold more memories.

Under letter G, number 52...

2008-10-23T22:10:00.000-04:00

Just got in from the State Fair. It was "can" day, which is our favorite. Take four cans of food for the food bank and you get in free. We always go this day. It is a little thing but we do it because we're helping someone. I mean, we are going anyway so why not go on a day that helps?

The posting earlier today about going got me to really thinking while I was on the way over. Thinking about experiences and how little things you learn can stay with you a life time. I was with my Dad one time when we were visiting with the head of the local Jaycee's. The Jaycee's are a civic organization and put on fairs to raise money for their charitable projects. Dad was meeting with him to discuss business and naturally he took me along. I've always been inquisitive and this day was no different. When I met the man we shook hands and he called me Governor and was exceptionally nice to me. I asked him why he called me Governor. He looked me right in the eye and said..."I don't know who you'll grow up to be. What if I were mean to you and you became President of the US? That wouldn't be smart. We never know who people are, what they've been through or who'll they'll become so we should treat them with respect, honesty and politeness". I've never forgotten that and I was about 8 years old.

A fellow blogger, Becky, has left a couple of posts on my blog. She is a potter and I follow her blog and encourage you to check it out. It is on the list to the right (Claydog). She seems to enjoy my blogs about memories and is always gracious and encouraging. I've not met her but she seems like the kind of person I'd enjoy knowing. She reminds me of this man. She never had to reach out but did and shared her appreciation for some postings. I'm glad she did. I like talking about memories and my life and the lives of my family. I'd gotten away from that with some recent blogs and she helped me see I should go back and do what I like. Thanks Becky!

I don't know where life is going, but if we listen to its lessons as we go along it is surely telling us things. I've missed some I'm sure (we don't know what we don't know) but I've tried to listen and catch them as I've gone along.

More on the fair tomorrow. I have a candy apple to get to. Oh, and YES the ham biscuits and fries were just like they always are...perfect! I didn't win at Bingo but my wife and son did!

Love a fair...

2008-10-23T16:48:00.000-04:00

Going to the State Fair tonight. Yep, gonna do bingo, Cary United Methodist Church ham biscuits, Al Beckwith fries and fresh lemonade. Maybe a bite of my son's turkey leg, too. And, for a sweet something after it will be a candy apple.

I am an aficionado of fairs. I've had more cotton candy, popcorn and candy apples than you'll EVER see. No need to argue with me about it. Trust me. How can this be true you ask? Am I pulling your leg? Exaggeration?

I grew up on a carnival. I am a Carnie. I have saw dust in my veins. Yep. A genuine, dyed in the wool, 100%, no doubt about it Carnie. And I am proud of it.

My Dad was general manager and booking agent for carnivals when I was growing up. We traveled to a new place each week. East coast...name the place and I've been there and done that, got the stuffed animal to prove it. Great memories! Great adventures. Great times.

Unlike a lot of Carnie kids, I was at home in NC during school. The day school was out Mom picked us up and we were gone till the day before school started.

Yeah, I know a little bit about "going to the fair". No brag but at one time I had a list of names of girls from all over the place from Indian to NJ and south to Virginia. I've spent more money on stamps than you can imagine a teenager should ever spend. My first true love was a girl from Vevay, Indiana. I remember her as if it was yesterday. Broke my heart to leave her that week. I called her and wrote her for a very long time. I think of her often when my kids are dating and talking about their "true loves". Don't get me wrong, I don't long for her, I am remembering first love feeling and experience. I think it was a big reason I knew what real love was when I met my wife. I'll always be grateful for that experience. The first time you connect with another person that breaks your heart...makes you feel like your world ends with them...and makes you want to be with them for ever.

Being a Carnie taught me about friendship, loyalty, hard work, being dependable, trust and family. It taught me self respect, self reliance, confidence and what inner strength was. I was visiting Evansville, IN with my Dad. He was trying to convince them to book with his fair. (Fair's compete for business just like other companies.) The committee told us it was up to Mr. Green. So we went looking for him at the fairgrounds. We saw a man on a tractor cutting grass and he stopped to ask if he could help. My Dad apologized for his needing to stop and before he could say anything else I spoke up and said in that simple youngster voice "Hello sir, how are you? You have a nice tractor." My Dad tussled my hair and grinned. He did not apologize for me speaking up, he thought it was great. My Dad and I were close and I went everywhere with him just to be around him. I knew it would be OK to speak. The gentleman grinned and he and I chatted for about 5 minutes. Dad had all day. Finally the man on the tractor asked what he could do for my Dad. Dad said we were looking for Mr. Green. The man on the tractor said he was Mr. Green. He and Dad hit it off and Dad go the business. Mr. Green became a friend of the family and every year stopped in to stay with us on his way to and from Florida. It was always one of my favorite times of the year.

Yeah, going to the fair brings back memories, lots of memories. Some better than others. Maybe I'll share some more tomorrow.

Take your kids to the fair. See all the shows, exhibits and ride some rides. Build those memories. They last a life time. Now, for some cotton candy!

LUNCH is ready...

2008-10-22T13:07:00.000-04:00

One of the joys of working from home is a decent lunch. Today is German Bologna with fixing. A good "sammich" ( as a Navy pal of mine calls them) is hard to beat. I especially like mine with lettuce and tomato and a little mayo (Duke's brand). I included a slice of swiss to round it off.

When making a sandwich I think the order of the materials is very important. Bread should be on the outside. If bread is on the inside things get sloppy.

Mayo only 1 side, please. Tomato next to mayo and then lettuce. Meat comes next. Then cheese and finally bread.

The tomato, mayo, salt and pepper combination is crucial. It is like a tomato sandwich with meat and cheese added.

This does not apply to banana sandwiches. They have a totally different criteria.

Here is a pic of today's creation. Notice the great salt and pepper jars Ron Philbeck made for me! Thanks Ron, we love them and use them every day!

OK, you cracked pepper heads. No whining that only fresh cracked/ground pepper is good. I cook a lot and I do both and both have their place. I like pepper and this is not only fast and easy but pepper does not lose is flavor like some spices. Beside, the Barefoot Contessa uses ground pepper! So there!

To my college girl: Hope the cafeteria food is this good! I love you, mean it!

Lunch is over! BTW... It was an awesome sandwich!

Pain in the...shoulder. Better already.

2008-10-21T18:37:00.000-04:00

For those that saw my posting about my adventure in Vegas, good news! The orthopedist say I did not tear anything and do not need surgery. Seems I have a calcium deposit (normal) that causes irritation when I lift my arm. I am back already to a full range of motion and hardly any pain. While it could flare up again, he is having me do a couple of PT sessions to work the remaining kinks out teach me some ways to keep it from bothering me. That and nothing strenuous for 3 weeks and Advil and I am good to go!

It was great news. He told me this was normal "for someone my age". When I told my daughter this her response was typical: "Oh Dad! Surgery would have been better to hear than 'for your age"'. Not to me. Wonder what she'll say in 30 years when she hears it?

Joe Plumber's Dream...A commentary

2008-10-21T17:58:00.000-04:00

I've tried to not let my personal view on politics come through in my blog. It is fine if others do that, but somehow it distorts why I read their blogs. We all have views and opinions. If you really are unsure and want reasons to vote for one candidate or the other then email me. I'll gladly share you mine. I happen to think this is a personal decision that most of us have already made for whatever reasons.

I write my blog to share about my views on raising children, growing older and families. Those are the things that I care about and am or have experienced. Take for example where I mentioned my colonoscopy. Not a polite subject but I was going through it and talking about it can help me and others to know we all go through it. If you are 50 and have NOT had one, you need to, male or female. Women should have a mammography done regularly. I don't much about them but I know they are important.

I care about the American dream that I had and that I still have and that I want for my children. I care about our country, deeply. I don't think one president from ANY party will make that big a difference. Only a few times has it made a significant difference and then not huge. Please, if you want to debate this, call me or email me. I'll be glad to do it just not one sentence at a time.

My Bar stool Economics was not an endorsement of any candidate. I have studied economics and have 2 degrees in business. I love the stuff and found it both entertaining and informative.

My oldest daughter is trying to buy a house in a weird market. Prices are very low and yet money is tight. Foreclosures are everywhere. Very interesting times. I was studying business in the late 70's when interest rates were 20% and people were still borrowing money!

My brother-in-law sent me this link and I found it interesting. I encourage you to read it and think about it. I am not trying to get you to think about politics, far from it. It is about living, raising families and reaching for the American dream.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/19/schramm.entrepreneur/index.html

I hope each of you continue to reach for your dreams, whatever they are. As for me, I'm living mine. I have great kids that bring me joy everyday.

Barstool Economics...Or...How to get others to pay for your beer!

2008-10-20T13:25:00.000-04:00

This was sent to me in an email. Not sure of the author but he/she should get a Nobel prize! Enjoy!

Our Tax System Explained: Bar Stool Economics
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. The seventh would pay $7. The eighth would pay $12. The ninth would pay $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers,' he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.' Drinks for the ten now cost just $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from every body's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so: The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings). The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings). Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. 'I only got a dollar out of the $20,' declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10! ''Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I got'. 'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks! ''Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor! 'The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier. For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

Filling a script...less worry

2008-10-20T12:38:00.000-04:00

While in Vegas I went to the ER. I've blogged on this so no biggee. What is amazing is the drugstore visit. I've gone to the same store for 20+ years. My store was not available in LV so I went to the Walgreen's across the street from the ER. I watched the Pharmacist fill the script. Interesting. First, he was not hidden behind a counter over which I could not see. He worked at a bench down the side of a wall. To his right was the counter and I could clearly see him filling scripts. What was interesting was after he filled the script (which included verifying the pills and the script) he then scanned the form he had printed for the label and compared the pills to the image on the screen! What a great idea and a good safety check. I don't think my pharmacy does this and since they hide behind a tall counter it is hard to even guess. But I like this extra safety since I've had the wrong pills for my script at least 3 times in the past. Never a good thing and scary.

I'm going to check out the local Walgreen's here. I want to see what they do, which I suspect is the same thing. Might be time for a change.

BTW...even though I knew he had checked them twice I went on line when I got back to the hotel and pulled up the Watson site and verified the script/pills myself. I am paranoid about these things. It took about 2 minutes and I could then take the pain pills with one less worry on a pain taxed mind.