First posting.

Families and getting older...or as I like to think of it "Ramblings of an idle minded 50 year old!" My kids are almost grown...23, 19 and 15. One out of college, one in college and one headed for his license (and college).

So, let's talk kids for a moment. I use the term "kids" because I am from the south, it is how I grew up and it is not derogatory. Children is a formal term and I'm not in a formal mood. OK, we've established I'm grumpy...move on.

Child rearing is not an easy task. Some rules I've tried to live by when raising children:

• You are always the parent, never a friend.
• You make the rules and decision. It is not a democracy.
• Help your children build memories! Memories are what reinforce behavior and it is what they take with them going forward
• Be consistent. Nothing is more confusing to behavior reinforcement than inconsistency.
• Talk to and with your children. Explain things, even mundane things to them. Let them learn and see what you know. They become richer for it.
• Challenge them. Set goals for them that exceed what they have done. Celebrate success and help them understand why the failed. By the way, failure is not a bad word. Don't coddle kids, help them and support them but let them know there are consequences to not reaching goals.
• Spanking is OK. Beating is not. There is a difference and if you don't know it, figure it out. I spanked my children to get there attention, to let them know there are consequences to action and to remind them they do not make the rules. No marks, no scars. Just whaps across the bottom. Slapping is not spanking and not acceptable. No shaking or bruises.
• Kids are individuals. Treat them as such. Rules apply to everyone and there are no exceptions. However, if you have a child that is more dependable, more trustworthy, reward that child with more options and opportunities. Talk to them about trust. They'll get it.
• Never give allowances (money). Never, ever. There is no free lunch and no free money in life. I'll give you great ways to teach money responsibility in later posts. These work and work well.
• No car dating till you are 16 and then only if we know the boy. Make him come in and talk to you. Explain to him the rules and expectations. Tell him NO right off the bat and make sure he knows what NO means.
• Till 16 only group dates with an adult chaperone.
• No smoking, drinking, drugs. Keep asking and keep checking.
  Your room is not YOURS. It is mine and I can search it if I need/want to. Surprising how much an impact clear lines and clear control can have.
• Keep your promises, good or bad. Never promise punishment that you do not deliver. See "be consistent" above. This is a huge issue.
• Hug and kiss your kids EVERY day and more than once per day. Tell them you love them and are proud of them EVERY day. No exceptions. If you are too macho to tell your child you love them (and use those words!) you need to get over yourself. My 15 year old son looks me in the eye and I still hug him and tell him I love him. No exceptions.
  
  Enough for today. More later.
  
  Hug and kiss your kids