Learning something new at the Waffle House

I had breakfast today with my daughter at the Waffle House. It is across the street from her college. She called and was in a tizzy because her car was full of ants. Seems someone left a bit of candy in her car and she parked near a tree with ants and voila!!! Ants in the car by the gazillions...or hundreds anyway. She wanted me to come "fix it" so I used it as an excuse to also have breakfast with her.

What a treat! She was waiting for me and had found the candy but would not touch it. I got it out, we sprayed some ant killer and headed out for breakfast. Could we eat in the cafeteria? Oh no! Can't do that. Dad has to take her "out" for breakfast.

Being a life long fan of the Waffle House, we headed across the street. Now, you'd think that this would be a simple go in and come out and breakfast is over kind of thing. Nope, not gonna happen with my kids. Or me for that matter.

I have a long history with the WH. I grew up on a carnival (yep, I am a carnie. I have sawdust in my veins!) so eating at these types of places is normal. Open late, fast in and out and food that you know what to expect. I love it.

A few years ago we were in Florida with some friends. They were expecting their first child. I've known Jill for ages and both she and Brian are dear friends. So we head out one morning for breakfast at the WH. Jill pops some quarters into the jukebox. I grab my wife's hand and say let's dance! My wife, being slightly less gregarious than me, proceeds to inform me that she is not dancing in the WH. Well! Can you believe it? Jill says she'll dance with me and voila! I am having a country music song moment! I am dancing in the waffle house with a pregnant woman and she is not my wife! Everyone needs to live a country music song moment.

See, the WH and I go way back.

Two nights ago my daughter calls from college wanting to go to the movies. It is late and she knows we don't like her out late so she called. Yeah, I know, the kid is in college but she knows who pays the bills and she likes sucking up to me so she calls. She says "can I go to the movies"? I say "who with"? She says "this guy. I met him at the waffle house and he asked me to the movies. He has 5 teeth."

Knowing I've been had by someone better than me I inform her that we never date people with less than 6 teeth, we have standards! She and her roommate are cracking up in the background. She shares with me that she is going to the movies with her friends if it is OK. We have a good laugh and she heads to the movies.

Well, we sit down at the counter today in the WH and look at the menu. I lean over and ask her if her boyfriend is here this morning. She looks at me like I am crazy. I ask again. She still has no idea. I remind her of the call about the movies and she cracks up! It suddenly hit her and she is laughing so hard. She can't believe I remembered it and thought it was great that I did and took her there for breakfast! Good memory!

Well, we order and she tells the waitress that she wants hash browns scattered and smothered. I have no idea what this is and she explains it is hash browns with onions. I am very impressed that my daughter knows the WH lingo. Another generation feeling at home at the Waffle House! Her grandfather would be so proud. I know I was. AND I learned something new...how to order hash browns!

Flowers and Kids...Expressing Love

In a previous post I talked about sending flowers to my children on their first day of school. I've done this for all of them since they started kindergarten. It is just one of the ways I express my love for them. Well, I screwed up! I failed to send them to my son on Monday. No excuses, I just screwed up.

I am big on doing something when you think of it and know it needs to be done. I started to order his when I ordered his sister's. I just could not decide what to send him...flowers, candy, both or what. I decided to cipher on it for a couple of days. Well, I went to San Diego on business and wham...no flowers, no candy, nothing. My wife sent me a text asking if I'd done it. I was working a the time and literally had to walk away from a group of people. I had tears in my eyes. I sent some short answers back...no, I forgot, etc. but was devastated. I was afraid my son would think he means less to me than his sisters, which is NOT the case. I care deeply for him and love him more than I can express. To miss this special thing, knowing there was no way to fix it, just devastated me.

I had people coming over to ask me if everything was OK, what was wrong, etc. I could not tell them, I just did not know what to say or do. I sent a text to my wife letting her know how I felt and wham! my son calls me. What a great kid! He told me it was not big deal, he knew I loved him and that just to be sure there were some Milky Ways in the basket and all would be fine. He got his basket the next day and it had Milky Ways.

There are a lot of memories to take from this...feeling so low and alone, being so far from the ones you love, not being able to hold them and let them know you are sorry, feeling like you failed someone you love....but the memory I value most is how my son told me he loved me and that he knew I loved him and was important to him!

There is a box of Milky Ways coming to him! He deserves them. He showed me, once again, what love is and how to express it!

Going Rambo!

Having daughters has always been great. I love them dearly and they have added so much to my life. What a great blessing from God both of them are. They've taught me much and continue to do so. Like today.

I've kidded with my daughters that I've always wanted them to work at Ace Hardware so I can get a discount. No luck there. Both worked for vets, which is good since we have 4 dogs but not nearly as much fun for me. Yeah, I know it not "all about me" but work with me here...

They've both gone fishing with me and can even bait a hook with a worm. Don't get me wrong, not what they like to do but both have mastered it and they like to fish. My son took to it just like his Dad, as you'd expect. Worms were never an issue for him. He's promised to get a job at Ace Hardware, too. Ahhh, you gotta love your sons!!!

I grew up hunting and fishing all the time. Loved it and still do. While I've gotten the kids into fishing I've not gotten them to do hunting or really fire a gun. Yeah, they've shot a .22 rifle but not really much. That changed today.

My oldest daughter is planning to move out in the coming months. Good for her. She wants to be on her own and has a good job so we are encouraging that. She is a little scared and wants to learn to handle a hand gun for protection. She's been after me to take her to a shooting range. I've let her think about it for a few weeks and today we went. Not sure what I expected but she loved it! She took to it and picked it up quick. We did the safety instruction they required and she was very attentive and listened to everything. They were very busy and while we waiting she listened to all the instructions others were getting. I was very impressed. She was nervous but confident. When out turn came we asked for a .22 caliber semi-automatic. They rent the guns and we bought the shells. They showed us how to load it and off we went. In the shooting range it was very loud even with ear protection. Several guys were shooting .45's and one was shooting a .50 caliber. You could feel the percussion from the shots. I think this surprised her but it did not daunt her desire. She loaded the clip, put it in and started firing! She loved it.

She asked me to shoot some and I proceeded to get it jammed. While I was unjamming it (with help) another shooter got talking to us and offered to let her shoot his .45. She was scared but jumped at the chance. She loved it!

We got the gun unjammed and finished off the box of 100 shells. She had a blast and can't wait to go back. It was fun for me to watch her. Next time we are going to shoot a .32 caliber revolver so she can see how she likes it. We'll work our way through several before settling on one for her to purchase.

After hearing the tales my other daughter wants to go with us and shoot a gun, too. Ah, the joys of a family going Rambo!

Kids, text, email and game consoles

I was on the road yesterday. Flew to a meeting for the day. Long day but good and worth the effort. But this is not about that. My college daughter emailed or text messaged me off and on all day. It was a great thing and we chatted during the meeting, before and after and even after I landed at home. I sent her this picture of NY from the airport.

My point here is that for her, this is all normal. Keeping in touch, wherever someone is, is expected. She does the same with her friends, boy friend and her family. I like it because it is a connection I have to her and we share what is doing on.

Someone said they were worried about kids spending so much time on xbox/ps2/etc. They did not think it was good for them. I used to agree until I watched my son. He plays on line (he has and Xbox 360) with people from all over the world as well as his friends across town. To him the world is small and he thinks it is normal to play with kids from Tennessee, England and even Japan. He thinks nothing of it as they talk, on line, to each other.

To him, a cell phone is normal and just an extension of himself. He can not imagine anyone not having one. I'm glad because being able to just hear his voice sometime is all I need.

Kids and Flowers...

When my first child was getting ready to start school a friend suggested I send her flowers on her first day. To remember the day and as something special from Daddy. I thought that was great advice and did exactly that. And I've done it every first day of school since then, for all my kids all the way through college.

I've talked about building memories and how important that is. I've talked about not just saying "I Love You" but doing special things to show it...special does not have to mean big, showy or expensive. It can be something as simple as sending a picture from the cell phone to share a memory (see earlier post). Bu special should include something special...flowers.

Flowers are a very significant way to say I am thinking about you. They take effort to order and they are not cheap. And they last. Mostly, they are showy to OTHERS and girls like others knowing they got flowers (I am told it is a girl thing). My kids not only expect them they look forward to them and it has made that first day of school special. I am amazed at how important this has become to them.

I've done this even for my son. When I only sent him a candy basket he and his sisters wanted to know where the flowers were! Go figure. (No, he is not girly. Far from it. He is a big, brawny guy.) It is the flowers and the thought. They'll be very low key but if they come later than they expect suddenly questions start to fly!

I sent flowers to my daughter in college today. It was her first day of class. I wonder if she has gotten them. If not, I wonder if she's remembered it is Flower Day? I'm waiting for the call from her! Those are my memories, too.

And then there were 4

My daughter moved to the dorm yesterday to begin her sophomore year in college. Boy, do I miss her!

My oldest daughter, who just got a teaching job, is talking about getting her own place and that makes me happy AND sad. I want her to be on her own but it makes me sad for her to move out.

That will leave just my son at home. He'll be here for 3 years since he is just a sophomore in high school. That will fly by and then he'll be off to college.

Treasure these moments. They don't last.

She has a job...on to worrying about something else!

Well, the oldest has a job! She was hired today to teach 4 year old. I thought that was just day care but they have a very structured curriculum for actually teaching! Many of the 4 year old can read, most all know they alphabet letters (if not in total order) and some can count.

Big change from when I was a kid. 43 years ago when I started first grade I could not read and while I could count some was certainly not a math whiz. But, then no one was and no one could. Sign of the times. Our kids could read when they started Kindergarten, if only simple things so I guess that is not much different.

Anyway, this is a prayer answered. She is very excited and another teacher lives around the block and they will carpool. She is happy, which makes me happy. She is moving on with life, stretching her wings and scaring me! She'll likely move out this year, which is good but something else for me to worry about.

Moving out...almost

My middle child moves back to college tomorrow. Today is "buy everything I need that I don't have and pack it all up" day. She is only going 15 minutes away, but it seems so much further. We went yesterday and picked up her key and swept, mopped and wiped the room Nothing to really clean but we wanted to be sure. She and her roomie move in tomorrow. She is a sophomore so it is a little old hat to her. But not for Dad!

I'll help her move in and I'll get morose but hey, it is my baby girl! She is excited about going back and has already been reading books that we picked up 2 weeks ago (tax free day!) She is looking forward to seeing her buds and doing the school thing. She wants to get her study abroad settled for next year, work with her advisor and dept. head on her internship plans and get into classes. She is a move forward kind of person.

Her sister (graduated a year ago) is still looking for a teaching position. She scours the papers, web and even visits schools personally with resume in hand. She is looking really diligently. She has a couple of leads but nothing definitive. Pray for her!

The man-child starts back on the 25Th. Soon, the house will be empty during the day. Just their Mom, the dogs and me. I'll be traveling some so maybe I won't focus on it so much.

I've found that it is hard to give that hug everyday when they are not here, but you just have to work harder at it. For example, last year I sent the middle child a small sewing kit from a hotel I was staying at. I thought it might come in handy for a college kid. She was excited to get a package but it caught her a little off guard. What am I going to do with this? I explained it was for emergencies...lost button, torn hem, etc. She said "OH".

About a week later I was calling to do a normal check in and she says.."Dad, the sewing kit did come in handy! We had an emergency and it was perfect, the only thing we had that would work. Everyone was so impressed."

Well, I was very pleased with myself and was just about to get a rotator cuff injury when she finished the story..."we wanted to hang some things from the ceiling and the thread came in handy! No one else had thread or string. I am so glad you sent that!"

Not quite what I had in mind, but us super heroes take what we can get. From then on, I send her the sewing kits if I find them in the rooms. 2 weeks ago I was in NJ and the room had one so I sent it to her new dorm address. It'll be there waiting on her! Nothing says I love you and I'm thinking of you like a sewing kit.

Coffee and kids...

Nope, this is not a post about kids drinking coffee but about them making coffee. I'm enjoying a cup of coffee thanks to my daughter. She put it on last night so it would be ready for me this morning. My daughters take turn doing kitchen duty and part of that is to put coffee on. They've learned that if they don't get to the kitchen duty (doing dishes) for some reasons they know that I'll let it slide till about noon the next day (unless there is company coming or an event) if they at least put coffee on.

This is a game we play and we seem to enjoy it. They've learned that with things there are priorities and do the important things first and the others can sometimes wait. This is an important life lesson and work lesson for when they get into the real world. Which is my job as a parent...help them learn the things the need to be good, productive, happy members of society.

My son does kitchen duty once in a while. Now, this is NOT because he is a male but because he likes doing the yard work and his sisters do not like it. So they made the decision to split the work along those lines. He still does it once in a while. I want to make sure he knows how to do those things so he can care for himself and others later in life. And, oh yes, the daughters know how to cut grass, rake leaves, plant flowers, etc. They do those once in a while, too.

On washing clothes coming in a later post...

Kids...

Last night Brittany went to the movies with her beau (boyfriend for non-southerners). She is heading back to school on Tuesday (19th) and I'm going to miss her. She's planning to study abroad for at least one semester next year and maybe again her senior year. I'm trying to get her to do a summer session abroad first to see how that goes. She will tell you that while she really wants to do it she knows she'll get home sick and is not looking forward to that. We've been talking about some ideas to see how it goes like taking a trip for a week or so to get a feel for being that far from home BEFORE she has to do a whole school semester! It is an evolving process so we will see.

Dao, her boyfriend, is very patient with her. She cares for him a lot and enjoys being with him but still needs her alone time. She is a self contained person and enjoys being by herself. He deals well with it and that is good because I don't see her changing.

The last time they went to the movies she asked for money so SHE could pay their way in. Good for her! We've talked about this and she does this on a regular basis. She likes giving to the relationship and feels she should pay. She even drives sometimes. Dao lets her do this even though he'd prefer to be the one paying and driving. Again, he is patient. He is always polite and is at ease when he comes over. He is content to just sit and watch TV with her. Ahhhh... the joys of young love.

I share this because Brittany is learning that the world extends beyond her and her world needs to include others to not be complete but to grow and be better. John Donne (1572-1631) said "no man is an island, entire of itself" and watching my children go through this growth is very encouraging, satisfying and way cool. I've watched my older daughter go through this and my son is starting to go through it as well. Now, that is one of the joys of parenthood.

A shout out to Ron Philbeck! He is an awesome potter in the southwest part of NC and I love his work. I have some pieces (another on the way) and have given some as gifts (which are greatly loved!). A link to his blog (which has a link on it for ordering) is located on the left. While I'm not totally in-sync with his love of tea, his work I adore. By way of full disclosure, he is married to my wife's cousin. If you live or visit the Charlotte, NC area go by and see him and take some pieces home!

Love and expression...

Expressing love is so important. Saying the words...I Love You can not be replaced with actions, with deeds or anything else. They are critical, fundamental and essential.

Flipping that coin over...deeds, actions and other expressions are very critical. Saying I Love You with out showing it, expressing it and demonstrating it means you just don't mean it.

The Bible tells us that when it comes to Christians we will know them by their fruits. We are saved by grace alone but we are known by our fruits. Love is the same way.

I bring this up because something came up and my wife wrote a wonderful, supportive letter expressing many great things about me recently. I read it and was brought to tears. That expression was very important to me.

So, not only tell your children everyday I LOVE YOU but go out of your way to write it down, say it to someone else where they can hear it and let them know you think of them always.

I was out of town this week and went to a ballgame one night. I took a picture of the ballpark and sent it to my kids cell phones. They loved it. Their comments were witty, appreciative and goofy. All the things you'd expect. When I got home last night from the airport it was one of the first things they talked about. Clearly, me thinking of them while out with friends at a game far from home was an expression of love and they appreciated it and knew it. Of course, we talked about it AFTER I had hugged each one and told them I love them.

Growing Older

I'm kind of a throw back to older times. I like to think of it as building a foundation on which the future can stand and stand solidly. Shakey foundations crumble with a little adversity. Solid foundations withstand the hars elements.

Same for family. I've tried to instill a sense of "family" in my children. I've preached and taught that family is important first and foremost. Some day my wife and I will be gone and this foundation will provide support to them as they deal with problems. They will have something to hold them up through rough times...each other.

Both my Mom and my Dad died in our home. Dad from a heart attack and Mom from cancer. Each different. One fast and unexpected in the middle of the night. The other long and drawn out. My Dad died first and the kids were very young but remember it and we talk of it. They are not bothered by him dying here, in fact they feel his presence is still here watching over them. The get comfort from that.

Mom died here 6 and a half years ago. All my kids were old enough to experience it. They were able to say good bye and had time to understand and deal with the death up close. It was a growing experience and except for losing a loved one, a good experience. They saw how a family comes together, focuses on a loved one and cares for them. It was a time of inward focus for our family and we still draw strenght from it. We shared it together.

Today, when something catches them off guard the quickly look to family for support, encouragement and acceptance. Unconditional love coupled with high standards is the key to a strong foundation.