Being a man...

In the "old days" there were rites of passage for boys to become men. Today, some are still practiced even though they are now ceremonial. In a world that is complex, technologically advanced and full of so much opportunity for harm, what are the rites of passage into adulthood for a boy to become a man?

Before I go further, I think girls face the same thing. They have their rites of passage, too. I think these have changed over the years, too. Even though I have two daughters I'm no expert on what girls/women think so I'll defer a discussion on that to someone better qualified.

My son is putting tick marks beside the items on the list of things that let you know a boy is a man. He does them regularly and I'm amazed at how well he handles it and how natural they seem to come to him. Learning to drive, asking a girl out, dating, getting your license, car dating and today he took another step. He's been collecting aluminum cans and other metals for several years. He's made hundreds of dollars recycling metal from things just laying around either here or from his grandfather's. The recycling is not the big thing so much as what he did today. I've always gone with him to take the recycling. Today he went with his sister and handled it himself. He did not need Dad tagging along, looking over his shoulder.

He and I went to buy new shoes for him Thursday evening. It was fun and we cut up while running the errand. He is easy to shop with. He finds what he wants, makes a decision and we are done. Well, the shoes had a defect and came a part the first day. Tonight, his sister ran him over there and he returned them himself.

The great thing about this really comes in two parts. He and his sister are close and do things together. I'm glad she's there to help keep an eye on him. It is what family does. The other thing is that he has taken responsibility and wants to do this himself. He's stepping out to do those things that others have done with him or for him in the past.

I'm a little sad while being so proud. He's the youngest of my three and it seems not long ago that he held on to my finger as we went places together. Now, he's off on his own. I already miss him more than I can tell. Yet, he still seeks me out to tell me good night and give me a hug. I'm sure he does that more for me than for him. His whole life I've referred to him as my man-child. He's always been large for his age and with two daughter's it helped distinguish him from them. I'm not so sure I can use that term much longer. He's a man now. He's my son in whom I am well pleased.

Hanging on to the past...

Why do we hang on to the past? What is it that makes it so hard to let go?

I'm not talking about grudges or revenge, that is bad enough and we know that eats us up inside. No, I'm talking about things we decided to let go from our lives but we hang onto mementos of. We all have them. Ask any woman and she'll open her jewelry box and pull out rings, pins, bracelets or other baubles of boys/men gone by. They'll open shoe boxes with letters, programs or notebooks with the names of boys they liked. Melt the gold/silver down? They'd tell you it is practical and they should do it and they probably wouldn't yell if you insisted but they'll just put it back in the box, with a smile. I don't think many of them ever pine over the items or probably think of them that much. But if a child or husband takes them out they get a little far off look for a moment then laugh.

My wife has some of those. At first my practical self just could not grasp it and she offered to get rid of them if they bothered me. Part of me wanted to let her do it but I didn't. I don't know why I didn't but it just seemed right to do. She put them back and there they've stayed.

As I've gotten older I have come to realize that they are part of who she is. Getting rid of them would not change who she is but they help her hold on to her past that helped her make who she was and, I hope, bring her to be with me. It is like the high school yearbooks we all keep. Those pictures of us in our "weird" clothes of the times (leisure suits...yes I did) and our different hair styles. We are not wild about seeing them now but we can't quite throw them away. We claim it is for our kids to see and to know we were young once but that is not it. I think we keep them to remind ourselves we were young, idealistic and going to change the world.

No, we didn't create world peace and we've not fed all the hungry but we've changed the world. Some for good, others for bad and for some, they never got the chance.

I'm not sure men keep as many things. We are maybe too care free and not as sentimental. I don't have many things from that era. Except a trunk full and some boxes and a couple of storage bins...but they don't count. They are not mementos to help me remember my youth. Nope, they are for my kids. Yep, that is it. So they don't count.

Besides, I have the thing I wanted most from back then. She puts up with me and reminds me of many great times. I'm glad she keeps things from the old days because now, I'm one of those things and I like being kept by her. Now, if I could just get this jewelry box open and get out!

Perspectives and Priorities...

We all view things from different vantage points and with different contexts based on what we've previously experienced and seen and heard. Having different points of view is what makes us unique. Priorities are much the same way. The priorities we set are based on who we are, what we've seen, done and want. We each have out own and they make us unique, too.

I was talking to a friend from high school this week (talking = email) and I was reminded of when I was in Grad School. I'd reached the point in life I wanted to do something and I thought an MBA sounded fun. I love to study business so it seemed like a good idea. Before I started I sat down and thought about what I was under-taking, what else I had on my plate and how it would fit in. I made a firm decision that it would not come before Family or work. Family would be number 1 and work would be 2 and then school. I had a new 2 year old and we'd have another before I finished so I had to decide now before I got in the middle and then decided.

Making decision before you need to always helps. You think clearer, you are more rational and rationalize much less.

I look at grades as two things: A measure of how you do and a reward for effort. In this program you graduated with honors ONLY if you got all A's. You could make no more than 2 C's to graduate. So, the way I looked at it was I needed two A's to cover 2 C's I might make. Anything over 2 A's was a waste unless I got all A's. Remember, A's represent a lot of effort. B's less so.

Well, I'd been in the program a while and was down to my last 2 classes and I had all A's. Pressure was on to graduate with honors. I had a final exam that night so I'd decided to take a half day off to study. My daughter, hearing that I'd be taking off early, asked if I'd come have lunch with her at school. She was so excited. My wife, trying to cover for me started to explain that I had a test and was very busy. The look in her little face brought back my priorities in full force. I knew that in 10 years no one would care about the grade but she always remember the lunch.

So, I stopped on the way home, picked up her lunch at McDonald's and had lunch with her and her friends. I taught them to play table football with a folded sheet of paper and we had 70 kids around the lunch table cheering and yelling and having a ball! What fun! Now, I know that I was disruptive and I could see that the teachers were not sure what to do with a parent creating such fun but every kids there still remembers it. And, let's face it, table football is a critical skill to have.

I got my A in the class. I'm sure I did well because I was happy with my decision and that made me more relaxed.

My daughter tells that story all the time. I always think that I was close to forgetting my priorities. She has a different perspective, she thinks I have the right priorities.

In my sights!

OK, this is going to be an angry post. Sorry, but I need to get it out.

I'm gunning for ground hogs! If I see one, it is mine...bagged and tagged! I'll have it mounted and on the wall in record time. I'm going to get my legal limit and get my friends to ante up, get license and let me hunt for them. We've got to get rid of EVERY ground hog in the country. E-V-E-R-Y S-I-N-G-L-E O-N-E OF THEM! They are an official scourge on the country and are clearly part of an evil plot to destroy this country.

What? You've not hear about this? Where were you in the second grade when they taught us this? Huh? Where were you?

6 more weeks of winter? You have got to be kidding me! I've had it. Here I sit, watching it rain, it is cold and they are calling for snow this afternoon and night! No more snow this year. Stop it. SPRING! I need SPRING.

Oh no, not that 2 days thing we had this past weekend, no! I need real spring. Budding trees, green grass, birds chirping, flowers blooming, hay fever and frolicking in the fields! I've got kites in the closet begging to be flown!

Yep, I'm bagging me a "whole mess" of those ground hogs. At least I will as soon as I can get out of the house when the snow clears and the fear of frost bite is gone. Till then, I've got the gun oil out and the long johns on!

Prom...

I remember the prom. Anticipation, anxiety, awkwardness and just plain scary! That time is coming up for my son. He is thinking about going with his friend who is a girl...not exactly a couple but they date, like each other and are in no hurry to smother each other. They spend a lot of time apart, don't see each other most weekends but do celebrate holidays together and go to movies and the fair. It works for them. They are both busy.

My son seems low key about the whole prom thing. I know those still waters run deep. I just nudge him on it. I know getting a limo (we never had that when I was a kid) and a tux is NOT a last minute thing so I told him to plan for it if he was going. He's working it out in his way, which works for him and her.

Me? I'm more of a planner. Don't like things left to chance. I've traveled with people that just figure it out as they go along. It works for them most of the time so I guess that is OK. Just sometimes it doesn't and they get stranded or having to accept arrangements less than ideal and I've seen how this affects the others in the group. Not particularly good. Thinking of the group is something I'm not sure we do that well. I think it is a learned trait and some just don't learn it.

Being on time is a thing with me. I like to be early or at least on time. Making people wait sends a message that your time is more important than theirs and I don't like those messages and games. An appointment is a contract. You honor it.

I had a doctor once in Richmond who's office explained that if I was late for an appointment they'd charge me a late fee. I asked why and they said the Dr.'s time was valuable. I said OK. The doctor made me wait for an hour. I did not particularly like him as a physician (my first visit) and when I checked out I deducted $25 from the bill when I paid. The lady handling payments informed me I owed more money and I explained that I waited an hour and that was my charge. My time is valuable, too. I think most doctor/patient appointments are a semi-solid agreement. If he's a little late or I'm a little late we deal with it. I am not there to wait on him because he can't schedule effectively and is maximizing his income. Yeah, I know this is harsh. My current doctor makes me wait once in a while but that is OK. When we are together he gives me all the time we need to discuss what we need and for me to ask questions. He always digs to make sure I'm doing OK and nothing has changed. I like that. I figure he does that with others and things come up. So I cut him some slack. Give and take. Oh, and he is a great physician and actually has some personality.

I'm getting more regular with my "annual" check ups. I put annual in quotes because I've not gotten them down to yearly yet but 18-24 months and that is WAY better than ever. I don't look forward to them and I don't know how women can be so good about keeping annual appointments. No way I ever would be but as I get older I figure it is more important.

I know one thing, if I was going to the prom I'd need a physical, stress test and a cardiac work up. The stress would get me and the dancing would be exhausting. But the thing that would get me the most would be shelling out the money for the tux and limo now. Way more than when I was in school

I guess it is not a good idea for me to go to the prom. I'm not sure how I'd explain it to my wife or my son.

Life...

I don't have all the answers to or about life. In fact, I'm not sure I even have a majority of the questions. I'm amazed that there are people who are intent on "finding the meaning of it all". I'm satisfied to find the meaning of just parts...and I think I have.

Don't get me wrong, I'm inquisitive by nature, don't like unsolved mysteries and love to learn. But I've never understood why you'd focus on what you don't have when you've got some much you do have to figure out! Seriously, I'm neither a half-full nor half-empty person. Sometimes it is one, sometimes it is the other...I'm more of a I've got a glass person. (I don't know exactly what that means but I'm working on it!)

What I've figured out is that life, or at least part of it, is my family. Watching them, just listening to them, talking with them and being with them is amazing! They constantly fill me with joy and I'm glad and thankful every day that I have them.

I had breakfast with my sister this morning. She was looking good, much better than I saw her last. She looked tired when I saw her last. I like being with her. She is fun, likes to talk and has a sense of humor to which I can relate...we shared a lot growing up and that makes it easy to talk.

I don't know where you stand with God or religion but if you don't think there is one, I'd like to hear your thoughts on why that is. As for me and my family, we know there is. I hear him in the quiet of the morning, I see him in the dark of the night as I look up in the sky. I see him in my children and wife every day. I don't know if I always see God when I'm in a church. I suspect there is another entity there sometimes looking to cause a little mischief. Oh, yeah, I think there is evil in the world. I've seen that, too. I've seen it in the hatred in the face of people, I've heard it in the words spoken to others.

I'm not perfect. I'm the least of God's children but he still loves me and Jesus still lifts me up to his father and claims me.

I'm not sure God gives us the meaning of life. I think he wants us to figure that one out on our own. I don't know about you but figuring things out makes them mean more to me and makes them more real. It also provides me tools for when I need them later. Kind of like feed a man a fish or teaching him to fish.

I'm not sure I'll even know the meaning of life, but I'm getting closer to the meaning of my life. And that is pretty good, especially when I see my kids.

Good from bad...

Mistakes or troubles often, if you are open to it, can be doors to opportunity, wisdom and insight. If we are not open to them, if we close ourselves off, if we focus on ourselves they can make us frustrated, angry and closed off to those insights and to the world.

Yesterday was pretty much like any other day but everything I typed just seemed to come out wrong. I'm a pretty open person and I like to be funny and have fun with things. I posted on a friends facebook what sounded funny in my head. When I saw the posting it looked as if I did not take her posting seriously and it looked petty at best. I posted an apology and she was fine and even deleted it for me (she was fine to leave it up but took pity on me). She is an old friend from high school and I think she remembered my gregarious ways and just took it as intended. Friends do that.

I made another posting about a cake I was making. The term did not include the word cake. For some reason the recipe for the cake and the person in Scotland that told me about the cake did not use the word cake in the description so I thought I was doing the right thing. Well some of my facebook buddies had some fun with me. They are dear people and poking fun is also what we do to friends. It keeps us human, reminds us we are not infallible and it also tells us that people love us even with our mistakes and weaknesses.

While I was pondering it the story of Elisha came to mind. Elisha was a prophet (Old Testament) and an army was sent to get him. His servant was scared and knew they were going to be killed. Elisha calmly looked around and saw the angels of God and explained that more were with them than against them. I realized yesterday that in life, more are with me than against me! I'm blessed with many friends, family and co-workers that pick me up when I'm down, support me through tough times, let me help them when they need it and love me even with my failures.

As I've told my kids from day one: "There is nothing you can do to stop being my son/daughter and there is nothing you can do to stop the love I have for you." They rely on that, it makes them stronger and gives them to confidence to learn life's lessons. I had "one of those days" yesterday. No, it was not a big deal, it was not particularly frustrating but out of it I was reminded that people do care, friends are there.

I'm glad I was not so focused on me and my mistakes that I missed a great reminder of life. So, if you are having a bad day, send me a note, tell me what you've done and I'll make fun of you. Just know when I do, I care. I promise, I really do, no matter how it sounds.

WalMart...love 'em or hate 'em?

A family member posted a note on FB about a scene in a local (to them) Walmart. It seems someone or group was stealing, got caught, fought the cops and got tased when they went for the cop's gun. The posting caused several people to post notes about hating Walmart and even paying more to not shop there.

I don't get it. I love Walmart. I like the store, I like the selection, I like the convenience, I like the stocked shelves and I like the prices. I like what them as a company because I think they have a positive impact on our lives in many, many ways.

Now, I don't shop. I buy. What I mean is that I don't go to "look around and see what is there" but I go to buy specific things and I leave. It can be many things or just one thing but I have a list, I know what they have and I get out. I don't buy clothes there (but I'm fine if others do) but I have bought some electronics, I do buy food there on a semi-regular basis and I do pick up fishing tackle when needed and when I change my own oil I get it there. Can't get that selection at Target or any other store. I like the ease for shopping that it gives me.

Generally, I'm pleased with the people that work there and find them nice, helpful and pleasant.

Walmart has had a huge impact on the price of drugs. Their innovative $4 for a month supply of generic drugs was HUGE. There are other things but suffice it to say they change how companies do business.

What amazes me is that I've seen way, way more stealing and fighting at malls than I've ever seen at or near a Walmart. I just don't go to malls. I don't like the crowds, the slow moving people that are "shopping".

Amazing how something as simple as a store can polarize people.

Keep your eyes open!

I like pottery. I don't own much but I do like it. I follow some potters blogs and am always inspired. Hannah McAndrew (http://hannahmcandrew.blogspot.com/) in Scotland is one I follow. Amazing what she can do. I read her blog and while the shipping and exchange rates are hampering my purchases it is the still a joy to read her blog and see her work.

Life is about enjoying things you may not be able to own. I don't covet them or desire them beyond all else but I like them. The simple beauty and complex design and hard work that go into them is impressive and inspiring. I'll own some one day. The anticipation is sweet.

But, there is more to this story than unrequited desire for pots. Hannah will occasionally mention what she has cooked and show pictures. Today she mentioned a Victoria sponge she fixed for her husband (and herself). I found a recipe and am going to fix one. I'll enjoy it with "afternoon tea" tomorrow. It is a simple and easy recipe but sounds awesome.

If we focus on the "things" we want in life, whether we can have them or not, and get so focused we miss other things then we miss out on what life is about. I love her pottery but I like her blog and the life she describes, too. I'd hate to have missed the cake. I think I'm going to share it with my wife. We'll go "English" or "Scottish" for a while in the afternoon, think about a trip to Scotland and plan how many extra bags to take with us so we can bring back some awesome pots!

Birds leaving the nests...

Well, it looks like my baby girl is really leaving the nest this time. She headed to Iceland for a month this summer to study abroad. I'm so nervous but so happy for her. She sent off her passport application today. It is getting real very fast.

I don't know why this is so different and maybe it isn't. I'm always nervous when they are away from home but isn't that why we nurture them, teach them right from wrong, how to make decisions and stand up for themselves? I'm proud of my kids and how well they've done and the decisions they've made so far. I'm glad she has the confidence to not just go but to go for all the right reasons. She is an international studies major and this is just part of that plan. She plans to study in Japan for the fall semester if she can work it all out. That is a LONG way from home. I'm already working on my Asian contacts to see who is close by and who I know there. I've got contacts in Singapore that are solid. Now I need to get good contacts in Tokyo!

But, it isn't just my daughter. My son is leaving the nest, too. And although he is 4 years younger in many ways he is leaving faster. He recently got his license and went on his first car date this weekend. I was a nervous wreck. It was no big deal to him. Oh I so remember those days! He'll be much more independent and much sooner. Just the nature of things I guess.

Good thing I have Maddie here now. She'll keep me company...her and her cold nose and wagging tail.